Stands for Something

Wyoming has big spiders, too

2012-02-04T17:41:00.003-07:00

My step brother and step dad returned from a camping trip in the Big Horn Mountains this summer with a startling story (assuming you're quasi-arachnophobic like myself). It went like this: my step brother had been struck by a need to relieve himself. They stopped just east of the U.S. 14-A causeway across Big Horn Lake. He made a heebie-jeebies-inducing discovery in the sagebrush -- huge, yellow, creepy-looking spiders.

I chalked it up as an exaggerated camping tale, but on a return trip, I saw the horror firsthand.

There'd be no shame in running from these black and yellow garden spiders.

Pretty sure that what the female says goes. Or the male goes down her gullet.

How big are these things? That's a dead grasshopper all bundled up in the bottom left of the frame.

Arachnophobes can rest uncomfortably knowing that even in Wyoming's arid climate, alarmingly huge, exotic-looking spiders thrive (and no, they're not actually dangerous. That's why we call it a "phobia").

Moral of the story? Always look before you pee.

A fair amount of nightlife

2012-02-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

It's only during fair week that my town can be counted on to have people out and about after 10 p.m.

Elk, solitary trees and ducks. Or geese.

2012-01-26T22:34:00.000-07:00

I was only sticking out a window when I took my photo.

I'm not exactly sure how this tree ended up so far out in Lake Yellowstone and not dead, but I'm fairly certain it didn't swim. However, given my experience in taking the pictures, the tree may have been seeking to escape the miserable clouds of mosquitoes on the shoreline.

It's been so long since I took this photo that I can't remember for sure -- and I'm not good with identifying animal silhouettes -- but I think these are geese. To be safe, I've named one photo "Ducks on a Pond*" and the other one "Geese in a Row."

*Full disclosure: it's not a pond.

Weedhopper

2011-11-22T23:58:00.000-07:00

If only they could stick to eating driveway weeds.

Bird is the (picture worth a thousand) words

2011-11-21T22:58:00.001-07:00

This bird was in an all-out brawl with one of the stiffest winds of the summer.

Summer night lights

2011-11-21T22:00:00.001-07:00

I'm still working to get the hang of lightning photography, but I made some progress this July and August. The weather was patient, returning for a couple re-shoots.

Not my first rodeo

2011-11-06T01:29:00.001-06:00

From the July 3 Cody Stampede rodeo in Cody, Wyo. Pretty sure it'd been 10 years since I'd set foot at a rodeo, which was too long.

Pictures in the park

2011-10-27T00:48:00.000-06:00

From June 18, 2010 in Yellowstone National Park and Shoshone National Forest.

This moose, along the North Fork of the Shoshone River, was admirably good at ignoring loud, hand-waving tourists

One bad temper away from for that award-winning "trample" shot.

Big Horn sheep turn the road into Sylvan "don't" Pass.

Black bears manage to look ferocious even when eating something as dainty as dandelions.

Yellowstone's summer fauna

2011-08-28T01:05:00.002-06:00

I'm trying to catch up on posting photos from this summer. As evidence of how much I've fallen behind, these are from an early June visit to Yellowstone.
"While the other chipmunks begged for trifling bits of peanuts and cashews, Alfred hatched a plot to make off with the tourists' entire lunch."
The ground squirrels just off the Beaver Pond Trail near Mammoth Hot Springs seemed kind of fascinated (or perhaps just wary) with having a photographer.
Word of a stranger travels fast in a small squirrel town.
These rodents can also be "Take the high ground squirrels" when the occasion warrants.
I'm not sure if all herons look this hippy-ish.
Momma and baby bison, eating together.

The state of modern writing

2011-07-31T17:09:00.005-06:00

When you're writing about bad writing, I think it's fair to expect readers will look a little more closely for errors. So don't do something this obvious.
I'd be tempted to blame it on the writer's education, but this was actually from a Mntana newspaper. (It was also fixed quickly.)

Close to home

2011-07-04T16:51:00.011-06:00

From May.

"Why are you taking a picture?! I'm a common squirrel living in a tree 10 feet from your door."

Fact: Bunnies waste no time in becoming reproductive members of society.

The duck was lucky these American white pelicans weren't really hungry.

Dang you, autofocus!

2011-06-22T23:58:00.000-06:00

Stop fretting about Skynet becoming sentient and producing heartless killer robots -- today's advanced technology in my Nikkor auto-focus lens can easily be that cruel.

I mean, really?

Actual fashion police

2011-06-09T01:19:00.002-06:00

As we all know, doing hip, youthful things like skateboarding is not a crime. Same goes for wearing those trendy jeans that come pre-ripped and guaranteed to drive your elders to self-satisfied rants about how "we used to throw away those pants." But if you happen to actually be committing a crime, you probably should watch what you wear.

Think twice before wearing jeans like these.

Stock photo by D Sharon Pruitt

Last month, a local police officer was doing an early morning patrol when noticed something amiss. He recounted the incident in a report filed in local court documents:

"On May 7, 2011, at approximately 1:20 a.m., ... I observed a young female with shredded pants walking east on the north side of (the street). With the condition the female's pants were in, I was concerned she might need help," the officer wrote.

He flipped around his squad car and approached the 19-year-old. She was crying, but said she was fine and just having some drama with friends.

"I asked (her) about her ripped pants," the officer reported. "She informed me her pants were made that way and that's how they're supposed to look."

While that resolved the pants problem, her breath had tipped off the officer to something else that teens find hip but adult police do not; a breath test showed a .145 blood alcohol content level. With the young woman already on probation for a burglary and drug sale conviction, the alleged underage drinking was enough to get the ball rolling on a now-pending effort to revoke her probation.

The moral of the story? Don't expect a plain clothes police officer to cut you any slacks.

When I was driving once I saw this painted on a curb

2011-05-05T00:56:00.000-06:00

I honestly don't know who all parks in this spot at the Stanford Shopping Center, but I think there's a chance They Might Be Giants.

Crash

2011-04-08T00:29:00.000-06:00

The driver of this vehicle suffered minor injuries, was treated, and then arrested on a charge of drunk driving. Emergency responders were paged to the scene around 5:18 a.m.

What's your question?

2011-03-31T00:35:00.012-06:00

Mankind has spent much of its recorded existence pondering this world's origins, questions like: "where did we come from?", "what was the first animal to set foot on Earth?" and "which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

But if current Google Instant suggestions are any indication, people these days are searching for answers to a new question of biological origins...

It's the kind of thing that makes you question what direction our society is headed. I mean really, shouldn't the top search at least be, "Which was first: the Egg McMuffin or the Chicken McNugget "?

I'm hoping Google Instant will be able to auto-complete my next search for me, too. It begins, "why on earth would someone want to know which..."

The secret ingredient? Ignorance

2011-02-22T21:30:00.003-07:00

I went to bed yesterday with an empty stomach and a head full of too much information.

As a part of some traveling, I had popped into a Burger King for some quick chow for the road. It was around 9:30 p.m., and the restaurant and its three employees appeared to winding down for a 12 a.m. closing.

Most of the seats in the dining area were upside down on the table, and one staffer was applying a mop to the floor. I say "was," because as soon as I ordered my Whopper Jr., the manager who took my order summoned her to fix my burger (employee #3 was "doing fryers").

Amid some frustrated grumbling and mumbling ("I can't get anything done..."), the mopper unhanded her cleaning partner and headed to the out-of-sight food preparation area to construct a BK classic.

I waited hopefully for the sound of running water, scrubbing, and the dying screams of mop-handle and floor germs. It never came, though my Whopper Jr. emerged a couple minutes later.

Maybe I just missed hand washing sounds. Maybe she lubed up on some stiff anti-bacterial gel. Maybe she put on some gloves. It didn't matter. My blissful ignorance as to who was making my order and what they'd been doing had been irreparably shattered. I took my sandwich and left, knowing I wouldn't be eating it.

A former boss at a different fast food chain once told me that "If the bag's folded right, the food tastes better."

At the time, I thought he was crazy, but now, I'm sure he's right. Similarly, if they don't hear you not wash your hands, the food tastes better then, too.

The mopper Whopper sat uneaten in my car for the next 142 miles before being trashed (and photographed).

Given that situations like these probably occur on a daily basis at fast food joints, one might think the logical next step is to find something higher-class.

Not me. Next time, I'm just taking the drive through.

The necessary distinction between A.T. Robertson and God

2010-10-26T00:35:00.009-06:00

Apparently feeling that clarification was needed, someone affixed notes to the front covers of the six-volume set, "Word Pictures of the New Testament," found in my church.

The identical handwritten notes read as follows:

"The contents of these books are not inspired. They provide good background information, but with all of man's books, there may be errors."

Volume five (John -- Hebrews) does not carry the label, but I believe it's safe to say that while it provides good background information, it is not inspired and may contain errors.

Before the fall of fall

2010-10-02T23:19:00.003-06:00

For work this morning, I was out taking some photos of a citizen's police academy. Can't you tell?"I'm taking lots of photos of bumblebees, won't my bosses be so proud of me..."

Holy cats

2010-09-22T22:32:00.002-06:00

Last month, the United States Humane Society, in cooperation with local law enforcement, seized a boatload of cats from a rural residence just outside the town where I live. I took a slew of photos, but because I wrote a freakin' ton of column inches about the story, essentially none of the photos were used. (To clarify: one boatload = 157, a slew = >350, and a freakin' ton = 52.9.)

In the event anybody's interested, here are some photos from the Aug. 26 seizure, and the cats' subsequent care at a temporary shelter on Aug. 27.

Remains of the cat food cans used to feed the cats.
The cat food cans at the shelter were in a much better condition.
The volunteers got a quick refresher course in cat-handling before the felines were carried from their cages to waiting veterinarians. Please note the interested (yet quite well-behaved) canine observer.
Some of the cats shied from the media spotlight. (Actually, this guy or gal was trying to give a friendly pat to the photographer.)
O HAI! This guy was really noisy and almost certainly had some Maine coon cat in him/her.
I didn't get a good photo of this cat, but he/she was probably my favorite because of its generally bummed expression and the somewhat comical appearance of having a food pan stuck to its side.
I didn't get pictures of all the cats, but the volunteers and Humane Society workers did.
A relatively small percentage of the seized cats were deemed to be either in too poor a condition for adoption and were euthanized. The rest went to shelters and homes across the region.

CJ was here and

2010-09-10T22:26:00.006-06:00

Etched into the paneling of my garage ceiling are the words, "Jon was Here And i."
It baffles me.

Was the author simply an unschooled boaster, as the capitalization and graffitic nature implies? An inscriber caught before they could add "was too"?

Further, how did they choose the ceiling as their surface of choice?

Seriously, who needs religion when you've got questions like these?

The ordinary in Yellowstone

2010-09-02T00:24:00.007-06:00

I'm still waiting for my epic Yellowstone photo of a mama grizzly battling a pack of wolves, and until then, I'll keep sharing my not-as-exciting snapshots. These were taken during two July trips to the park.
Some people see bears when they go to the park. I tend to see bugs.
This guy or gal was camping out near our picnic spot, just waiting for his chance to score some lunch leftovers.
With our picnic materials moderately safely stowed, the gull had to settle for dredging up whatever inedible thing this was from the bottom of Yellowstone Lake. (Hint: it apparently wasn't a cracker, because it didn't even come close to breaking while in the bird's mouth. Rubber, perhaps?)
This would explain why the gull looked a little red in the prior photo -- the smoke from the freshly-started Beach Fire was messing with the sun's rays.
The obligatory bison shot. Insert lame motivational phrase here.

Photo of cute guy just for you!

2010-08-27T00:30:00.003-06:00

There's a reason people get annoyed when emails are sent without promised attachments -- they can ruin lives. Consider this attachmentless email I received from my mother.

As a bit of background, mom has never encouraged me to abandon my heterosexuality. In fact, on multiple occasions, she has questioned why I have yet to demonstrate my interest in the fairer sex through an exchange of vows and young-rearing. However, she's on vacation this week, and sometimes, when they're far from home, people change. So I was understandably nervous when I saw the following message in my inbox this afternoon.

From: Mom
Date: August 26, 2010 10:51:03 AM MDT
To: CJ Baker
Subject: Photo just for you!

Thought of you when we saw this cute guy, so took this photo just for you!
...
I love you - mom

Of course, there was no photo attached. But as I would soon learn, the absence of an image was due not to the fact that CJ doesn't find guys cute, but rather to a simple oversight.

With terror gnawing on my bowels, I moused over the follow-up message that had arrived two minutes later, entitled, "And NOW here's the photo!"

Despite fearing my next two clicks would unleash a horrific display of oil-greased abs from vacationland, I opened the email.

From: Mom
Date: August 26, 2010 10:53:16 AM MDT
To: CJ Baker
Subject: And NOW here's the photo!

that awful "forgot to attach the attachment" disease!

Never been more relieved to see a cute rodent.

Parenting is for the birds

2010-07-24T23:28:00.007-06:00

This summer, a couple of House Sparrows decided to make their nest in a hole in the wall above my office's back door. It has been an fantastic distraction over the past couple weeks (though the chirping gets a little grating).

I ended up taking a bazillion photos of the young family and thought I'd share.

First, here's your cast:

Momma

Poppa

The hungry babies

I probably got too interested in these birds, but I have to say I was pretty impressed. Unlike some human parenting structures, both momma and poppa took turns feeding their young -- alternating trips to gather bugs and bringing them back to the nest on a near-constant basis.
A few days after the above photos were taken, the chicks left the nest. The sparrow family didn't go far though, hanging around around the back-door/parking lot area.

For whatever reason, I hadn't realized that fledglings aren't necessarily able to fly when they leave their nest.
That was one of the chicks that apparently hadn't figured out how to use his/her wings yet. Sadly, I think it was hit and killed by a car in our lot the following day.
This guy or gal, however, had the flying thing down well enough to stay comfortably above oblivious auto drivers.

Another thing I hadn't realized is that the bird parenting doesn't end when the babies leave the nest. As an example, here's dad, providing a tasty berry snack to his out-of-the-home progeny.
Perhaps in a year or two, one of the surviving chicks will decide to start a nest of their own nearby, giving me another chance to waste a ton of time.

I Heart Mountain

2010-07-04T13:51:00.000-06:00

Every once in a while, I get off the computer and do active things. Last weekend, the fam and I took the 7.6 mile (round-trip), 2,560 vertical foot hike up nearby Heart Mountain. The D5000 came along for the ride.

For the uninitiated, this is the start of the Heart Mountain trail:If you look closely, you can see a lone jogger (yes, jogger) making his way up the trail. It's my understanding the guy makes the trip pretty much every day. Yeah.
While I was trying to nail down the focus on this caterpillar, with my one-eyed concentration solely on the bug, I suddenly heard a loud whirring noise right behind me. I spun around to find a small hummingbird hovering about five feet away, just checking me out. Unfortunately I didn't get a shot of the guy because 1) he zipped away about as he quickly as he arrived and 2) I was still being glad that it wasn't a flying bear that had just snuck up on me. I'll tell you, the hummingbird's small size betrays its really loud wing-beating.
The Heart Mountain area is one of the few non-irrigated yet green areas in the Big Horn Basin. This shot was taken at the summit.
The mountain peak is a hot spot for flies, both with and without butter.
Assuming they keep a distance, I love bumblebees. If not, I run away screaming.

Big boots to fill

2010-07-02T22:34:00.002-06:00

A massive statue of the late country music/rodeo star Chris LeDoux was recently installed at a memorial park in his honor in Kaycee, Wyo. I had the chance to snap some pictures as the statue was being finished at a shop outside Frannie.The process was very much a family affair.
Here, finisher Clay Ward applies patina to the bronze as sculptor D. Michael Thomas looks on.
The statue, entitled "Good Ride Cowboy," shipped out the next morning, bound for a June 19 celebration in Kaycee.

A couple of great-looking hooters

2010-06-26T20:10:00.005-06:00

We had a couple of owls (if I'm not mistaken, Great Horned ones) take up residence in the pine tree next to my office last month.

Being a fan of the species, I wasn't about to pass up the chance to take some pictures.
A fellow owl watcher started making loud hooting noises, which drew the attention (ire?) of the previously-snoozing hooter on the right. I'm just guessing here, but as she's the bigger of the two, I believe the owl on the right is a female.
At 3:15 p.m., this guy was bright-eyed, but not bushy-tailed.
This photo was taken a couple weeks before the previous two, but even without an obnoxious human making stupid noises, she still didn't look very happy.

Cloudy with a hint of rainbows

2010-06-17T22:28:00.020-06:00

I got to Yellowstone earlier this month (June 5) and brought the camera along. If you're interested...
Along the Northeast Entrance Road.
A Yellowstone visitor, who may or may not of close relation to the photographer, takes in the sights at Mammoth Hot Springs' Main Terrace.
"You're seriously telling me we're gonna look like THAT?!"
There's never a bad time for a snack.
Not far from park headquarters in Mammoth Hot Springs, a bull elk nonchalantly munches dandelions and most likely plots something dangerous.

Up and overseas: Part III

2010-05-07T17:50:00.011-06:00

Editor's Note: I've talked about both London and Paris in a lot of words. Here are some random thoughts that didn't fit with those posts to wrap this ever-lengthening ramble up.

Here they are in no particular order:

- For the record, yes, you feel really stupid not knowing how to count currency, a Kindergarten-level skill. It was a humbling experience in both pounds and Euros. (If you're wondering, that's the British National Museum pictured at right. Very cool building.)

- We spent many an hour getting quasi-lost on London’s subway system. A good chunk of that lost time was spent giggling over what must be the most hilariously-named transit station in London - Cockfosters.
Funny every time.

And while we're giggling immaturely, check out this suit of armor. I mean, really? Of all the things to worry about in the heat of battle...

Obviously the king's armor.

-For reasons that escape me, I hear we Americans apparently have a reputation for being obnoxious tourists. No idea why that is.

Oh, in a wholly unrelated anecdote, when we were boarding the subway in London one night, a college-age-ish dude walked by our subway car and happened to yell, "America -- F*** YEAH!!" Never been more proud.

I think being in a foreign country should be at least a little nerve-wracking since you're pretty much a guest in someone else's big house; I did my best to not be a jackass. Later in Paris, I received two "Merci's" from French folks when I made room for them on the transit line. It felt like a massive cultural victory.

A sculpture at the Louvre.

- It was nearing election time when we were in London, and there were a handful of billboards.

"5,000 people settle here every week. Say no to mass immigration," said one message from the UKIP (which defines itself as a "Libertarian, non-racist party").

"I've never voted Tory before, but we've got to mend our broken society," said one from the UK Conservative Party (the Tory Party).

-In London there were a lot of quick-food (I can't say fast) restaurants oriented around healthier and more environmentally-friendly fare (I wish we had a Pret A Manger here). I think my favorite meal of the trip was a pub lunch I had at The Ledger Building the first day I got there, made of linksford sausages, baked beans and chips (like french fries, but bigger). The server at the bar (which, I learned, is where you order your food and then have it delivered to your table), was super nice and patient as I struggled with his accent and in using my credit card. It turns out that over there, they actually check to see if your credit card is signed on the back (mine wasn't).

St. Paul's Cathedral, just up the road from the Pret A Manger where I had a cheese and pickle sandwich.

France had outstanding bread. Even a fairly un-exotic ham and cheese sandwich (which I ordered because it was the only thing I knew) was exceptionally tasty.

- Prices were pretty similar to here, though we totally got ripped off at an open-air cafe in the Jardin des Tuileries, where we each paid 4E50 for glass of Fanta (make sure not to pronounce it FAN-tah -- it's FAHN-tah). One of the CDs I picked up at the Virgin Megastore just outside the entrance to the Louvre was 20 Euros. Also, it sucks have the dollar valued lowered than the Euro and pound.

In the Jardin des Tuileries.

- They say the French take their culture more seriously than most. Judging strictly by film advertising, I'll buy it (what? you expected me to do interviews in French?). In London, nearly every movie poster was for an American film. In Paris, there were Hollywood blockbusters, but a healthy helping of French flicks too.

- English-folk tend to word things a little differently than we do, and when combined with the accents, it was at times a little tough to catch up. Yes, you feel stupid not understanding proper English.

We Americans can be far more efficient and just say "I won't litter."

- A word about the phone booths: No, the people of Great Britain are not stuck in the stone age. They don't use pay phones either. Based on my few days of observation, the booths appear to be primarily used for grinning tourists (see right). Secondarily, they are used as pornographic bulletin boards for adult services, with the average booth wall featuring almost as much nudity as a wall of the Musee d'Orsay. And, judging by the smell of the puddle in the one I posed, if there isn't a tourist in there, the telephone booths apparently make nicely sheltered urinals (pronounced ur-RINE-al in England).

- The whole trip felt surprisingly non-foreign overall. Not that it should be surprising, I mean, we’re all pretty much Western civilization anyways (and on top of that, we toured pretty touristy areas only).

Furthermore, plane trips are so disorienting that it never really sunk in that I was an ocean away from home, and despite some obvious aesthetic differences, neither London or France struck me as all that different from any big city in the U.S. Granted, the languages were different, but you get that on a Boston subway, too. (My country hick may be showing.)

The view from the roof of Galeries LaFayette, a ridiculously huge department store in Paris.

The familiarity began immediately, with the radio on the way over to the hotel in London. Our van driver had a station playing that featured Green Day, The Clash, Keene, Def Leopard, and Coldplay among others. American music was everywhere, continuing right up until the final night of our trip. As we stood there in the night rain, looking up at the lights of the Eiffel Tower, a group of young French folks were dancing and accentedly singing along to a stereo playing Frankie Valli's "Can't Take My Eyes Off You."

"I love you, babeh!"

The trip gave me a brief boost of confidence in walking into an uncomfortable situation in the U.S. I mean, when you can speak the same language, it should be all downhill from there, right?

Up and overseas: Part II

2010-05-06T23:23:00.010-06:00

Editor's note: We pick up CJ's tales of international adventure where we left off (in part I), getting off the Eurostar train in Paris...

After we checked into our Parisian hotel (a branch of the Comfort Inn chain), we first headed to the Cathedral of Notre Dame. It's a pretty impressive place.

The stained glass windows are too numerous to count.

After grabbing a bite to eat, we visited the Eiffel Tower, getting there just before dusk. The area is packed with tourists and roving black market peddlers hawking knock-off key-chain replicas of the tower "Five for one Euro?" they ask, jingling a bent wire hung with mini-Eiffel'). It's not legal, and their business appeared pretty slow.

The police aren't fans of their entrepreneurship.

"Mire!" yelled one of the peddlers later that evening. And everyone -- tourists included -- looked across the plaza where a struggling black market retailer was being taken into custody by French police. The others scattered, but the disruption was only temporary. They quickly returned.

"Five for one Euro?"

There are three different levels on the Eiffel Tower, with varying costs for access to each. The first two platforms (which are big enough to hold decent-sized gift shops) are accessed through elevators or stairs that originate in the Tower's legs. From the second platform to the top, there's another set of elevators that take you straight up to near the top. The top is far more crowded. There's a tiny champagne bar (more like a closet), and that's about all that fits up there other than the folks enjoying the view and snapping photos of themselves.

The Eastern pillar of the Eiffel tower, the one we entered...

From the top of the tower, the views are breathtaking, and the faint wails of police and ambulance sirens are ever-present. When we went, English appeared to be the most common language spoken by those at the tower.

View from the top of the Eiffel Tower. The light streak is a spotlight with long exposure.

The few French business folk I dealt with on the trip knew English – thankfully – because I still don't know more than a dozen disjointed words (one of them being “Oui.”).

Ordering food involved pointing at stuff, saying "S'il vous plait," fumbling for the correct Euro change and mumbling, "Merci." Despite the limited amount of French involved, it's still awkward. Usually, the merchant immediately recognizes that you're an American before you even open your mouth to butcher their language, and by the time you pay, they're saying, "Thank you." What do you then? Do you keep it in English and respond "Thank you," or try French with "Merci"?

No one was noticeably rude. We ran into this really nice gal at a gelato shop near the Cathedral of Notre Dame.

Apparently, "mango" (which is delightful as a gelato flavor, and, a far more common flavor in Europe, apparently) is spelled the same in French as it is in English. I knew it wouldn't be pronounced the same, but I had no grasp as to how French words are sounded out. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure I didn't even come close. After a friendly chuckle, the gal, in English, asked us where were from, shared that she had lived in the states, and wished us a good trip. Long story short, don't buy those tales about all French people being stuck up.

That first night, we did a nighttime boat tour of the Seine River, which flows through much of Paris. The youth that hang out on the river walkways like to wave to passing boater tourists. Or moon them. Either way.

The Seine river, just across the way from the Cathedral of Notre Dame.

The Louvre, which came on our last day, is quite the experience. It is absolutely huge. And I don't mean huge in the sense of "thousands of paintings" huge, I mean huge in the sense of you literally get like 20 minutes away and hopelessly lost from the entrance. It seems like around every corner you're walking into a new world -- a hall of canvases, a wing decorated much as one a French king had it, a courtyard stuffed with statutes, a wall of Egyptian statues.

One of a seemingly infinite number of hallways in the Louvre.

There's no doubt that the Louvre's most popular attraction is the Mona Lisa. People are lined up several deep around a railing that sits about 25 feet away from a glass case that holds the painting. That’s as close as you can get. Two or three guards watched over da Vinci's most famous work while I was there. Though flash photography is not allowed in the Louvre -- and the rule is respected around the rest of the museum -- flashes are near-constant at the Mona Lisa.* The two guards didn't seem too worried.

It's amazing how small the painting is (30" × 21"). The gorgeous painting on the wall directly opposite the Mona Lisa must be a hundred times that size.

Among the folks in my tour group, and honestly, myself, the most common question was, "What's the big deal?"

My traveling buddy and art major Steve said it's a big deal because da Vinci carried it with him for a long chunk of his life, revising it until the day of his death. There are other theories.

A guard watches over the Mona Lisa (on the same wall he's leaning on) as the crowds snap pictures.

The Venus de Milo appeared to be the second-biggest draw. I think it's the only other piece that most people know by name. Personally, I was proud I recognized Hammurabi’s Code, and “That Painting from the Coldplay CD.”

Actually called "Liberty Leading the People."

The private bathrooms in London and Paris were essentially identical to those over here. Where they get weird are with the public toilets. As you may know, in many European countries, it's assumed that you have to pay for use of a public toilet. That doesn't take much getting used to. What does take getting used to is the set up of some of the larger restrooms.

I ended up using the free public toilets near an Eiffel Tower photo-stop on the second day in Paris. In retrospect, I might have been willing to pay money to avoid the experience.

I walk into the bathroom, and the place is shaped like an "L." To the left, beyond a turnstile, are urinals and sinks. Straight ahead, past another turnstile, are stalls.

An attendant is sitting at a little stool in an open booth on the right-hand side, just before the stall turnstiles.

Not knowing exactly how long it will be before I next run across a free bathroom, I start heading for the stalls -- even though I'm not particularly feeling the need to, uh, sit down.

Apparently, that was the wrong choice.

Just as I got to the turnstile, the attendant -- who, because she wasn't collecting money at a free restroom -- started doing her job. And a big part of her job apparently was to make sure no men entered the stall area. I don't remember exactly what it was she said, but the gist of it was, "No," and she pointed toward the urinals instead. I obeyed, but it was still awkward. The urinals had the usual privacy walls between them, and the turnstiles screened my lower half from the attendant, but she, and any man or woman walking into the restroom still had a wide-open line of sight at my torso and back.

So, to recap: I'm in a strange, foreign place, I'm confused as to where I'm supposed to be depositing my waste, a number two is off-limits, and there's a lady watching me pee.

Yeah.

Pretty sure I've had that nightmare before.

The tour director later said it's pretty common for public restrooms to only provide urinals for dudes. There's some rant about gender equality just waiting to be written here.

I'll share some final anecdotes in the last post (part III)...

*If you're reading this post and were one of those folks who used a flash on Mona, I hope you're looking at your JPEGs right now and realizing that flash doesn't work so hot on a glass case. Idiot.

Up and overseas: Part I

2010-05-06T00:15:00.007-06:00

A journey of a thousand miles begins with an alarm clock. ~Not Lao-Tzu

Every long story needs an abridged version. So, I took a guided tour overseas in March with a couple of my college buddies, Steve and Nate (we're pictured left to right). I left on the 13th and returned on the night of the 20th, spending three days in London and three days in Paris. It was very cool and I'm grateful for the experience.

There you go.

Now, if you're interested in some more details than you ever wanted, read on and on. I've also thrown in some of my 1,100 photos. This'll be the first of three posts (part II, part III), with this one focusing the time in London...

After a couple connecting flights, I jumped on my March 13th international flight to Heathrow at about 8 p.m. in O'Hare (Central time).

Unlike the first class seats on many U.S. flights that don't look all that special, the "United First Suites" on big flights are world's different-looking than the cramped, uncomfortable seats in coach. In coach, you wake up from a couple hours of sleep aching and wondering how and why a breakfast muffin got on your tray.

One of my rowmates was a Las Vegas coroner, who was on his way to do some consulting work in Georgia. (The political state, not the state state.) He shared a bit of international advice, which, like my grandpa's, was to make sure and look both ways before crossing the street in Great Britain. It was good advice.

I landed in London around 11 a.m. local time (4 a.m. my time) and, on the advice of one of my friends back here, did my darndest to stay awake until my usual bedtime. It worked, but I felt pretty crummy that day.

The Tower of London was a clear highlight of the first full day in London town, Monday. We took a guided tour of the old castle with one of the Beefeaters (pictured at right), which was really interesting.

A few words about the guards at the Tower of London: first, the dudes I saw were not entirely stoic and expressionless. One guard, about my age, was doing his routine marching up and down the walkway, when a college-age gal decided she'd be really awesome and mockingly march alongside him. Then, because clearly she hadn't been obnoxious enough, she bellows in a clear American accent, "Am I making you uncomfortable?" To my surprise, the guard did a kind of embarrassed grin, and nodded. To my greater surprise, he did not open fire.

But while everybody thinks it's funny to pose and mess around with the guards, every time they suddenly snap to attention, all the tourists jump back. Everyone knows who's boss.

One thing that really stood out in London was the omnipresence of private and public security cameras. A small part of my amazement surely comes from my small-town roots, but most of it has to do with the fact that, as my tour director put it, London has “more bloody cameras than 1984 and Big Brother.” Some estimates have pegged the number of CCTV cameras in the U.K. over 4 million. I'd believe it. The cameras are supposed to lower crime.

London law enforcement apparently have cornered the market on surveillance.

One of folks in our tour group made the mistake of taking a picture of a couple of London police officers. He was sternly warned not to take pictures of them for security reasons, and, on top of that, told them not to take any pictures of security cameras. Please laugh now for two reasons: 1) because of the inherent irony in being forbidden to take a picture of a device that's taking pictures, and 2) because there's so many flipping cameras that you really can't take a picture of anything in London without a security camera in the frame.

I took this photo of these British policefolk pretty much out of spite.

While the security cameras conveyed a nanny state vibe in the ominous sense, other nanny-ish aspects of London were far more welcome. While the repeated audio and written warnings to "Mind the doors," and "Mind the gap," between the subway and boarding platform grew weary, the messages written on the sidewalks at each pedestrian crosswalk to either "Look left" or "Look right" were quite helpful. The driving on the left-side thing is tough to get used to.

So are the traffic lights:
Ha! Just kidding. That's actually a piece of artwork and not functioning traffic lights, though it confused the dickens out of me the first time I saw it.

We took a trip to Parliament one afternoon, where, after a couple hours of waiting in line, we were able to sit and listen to debate in the House of Commons. (As long as there's room, anyone can do it). We caught the tail end of a discussion about the British Airways strike and then a discussion about something that went right over our heads.

Photos were not allowed in the Parliament building except for Westminster Hall, which serves as a kind of entryway to the Houses of Parliament. The hall, which has been around since 1097, is shown at left, set up for a debate that night.

There are rules for sitting for the gallery, such as, "Visitors are not permitted to read books or papers, stand in or behind the galleries, or carry binoculars, mobile telephones or cameras." Further, I and my compadres had to sign a form that swore that, "I understand to abstain from making any interruption or disturbance to obey the rules for the maintenance of order the Galleries."

We were very careful to obey the rules. Steve went so far as to hushedly whisper to me to put down the provided parliamentary program of the day's debate so as not to violate the “no reading books or papers” rule. It wasn't a problem.

Parliament, from the London Eye

For the record, yes, those guys in parliament are friggin' hilarious. The dialogue we observed was delightfully witty and zany.

Since I didn't dare bring in a pen and paper, I couldn't take notes, and I’m not going to try to recap any of the quick exchanges, but they were good.

The back-bench rumblings of "Here, here!" and repeated calls for "Order. Order!" from the Speaker were reminiscent of a teacher quieting a class or silencing an disobedient dog. At one point, one of the opposition party members called for investigation into the Speaker's use of "foul language," which, one M.P. claimed, was the worst that had ever been uttered in the chamber. (My traveling buddies think he originally said "urination"). The Speaker said he'd welcome a review of the transcript of the session when it became available. I wish our Congress was as colourful.

One of the tourist trips we got sucked into was the London Eye, which is a kind of giant Ferris Wheel towering above the Thames, a little northeast of Parliament. Despite the painful 17 pound ticket and a gross overly-touristy feel to it, the views were pretty neat.

The folks in a neighboring pod of the London Eye.

We also attended a West End performance of Wicked (theater pictured at left), which was wicked awesome.

On Wednesday, to get from London to Paris, we took the Eurostar train.

The train station has zero trash cans, as the empty-coffee-cup-cluttered counter in the bathroom attested. But that's not some bizarre cultural thing. As I was informed by a co-worker when I arrived back in the states, the trash cans were removed after the 2005 bombings on the city's public transit system. Apparently, officials determined that trash bins could be used by terrorists. Now, the only way to dispose of your litter (note the British usage), is to hope a cart-wheeling janitor (not in the gymnastic sense) happens by with a transparent trash sack. Strange.

Upon arriving back in the states, I've fielded a good number of questions about what it was like going through the Chunnel on the Eurostar. I'm afraid I can't be of much assistance here -- I pretty much slept through that 20-minute stretch. As I recall, it was dark, and pretty indistinguishable from any subway trip.

The whole trip from London to Paris takes about two-and-a-half hours (say, 'Wow!'). When you get aboard the Eurostar, the intercom messages are first in English then French. When you get off, the messages are first in French, then English. Makes sense.

Paris was next (part II)...

Buckingham Palace. At night. Couldn't have known that without this helpful cutline, right?

Plumbers have cracks, scrapers have...

2009-11-23T23:25:00.000-07:00

Caution: this post contains naturally-occurring obscenity.
At 99 cents per, I guess you can't expect much proof-reading; they must have just hired some bum off the street.

Oh snap, shots!

2009-10-13T00:30:00.001-06:00

Over the last couple months, I took a few pictures with my cell phone camera that I've wanted to share with the world. Rather than flood my Twitter account with multiple postings, I thought I'd just dump them here. Dumped with love, of course.
Is that really an appropriate sign to put on a porta-potty? Think about it.
Pistol Pete, the official mascot of the University of Wyoming Cowboys, is shown here dancing with a pair of crutches he stole from the girl pictured in the far right foreground. If you're confused, remember that paying attention to the game is a secondary concern for a mascot -- it's more important to make sure the fans don't leave the stadium until the game's over.

Regrettably, I did not get a picture of the injured girl's toasted friend barfing all over the bleachers a bit later. My apologies.
Here's concrete proof -- from a men's gas station bathroom -- that Internet flame wars pre-date the Internet.

This wall conversation began off-camera, where a scrawler bragged about the size of a certain portion of his anatomy. Above we see the helpful reply, "Then wright it in the girls [bathroom]. Duh."

Subsequently, a true scholar and gentleman, finding grammatical humor in the incorrect homonym of "write", pointed out the error, and labels the incompetent English-man, a "Rocket Scientest."

Predicted next comment: "Your stupid to."
Well, I thought it was funny.

A little too much truth in government

2009-07-21T01:04:00.003-06:00

When you're told in college that you should avoid acronyms in journalism, believe it.

Otherwise, you might end up working for, oh, let's say the Green River Star and, hypothetically, write a headline disastrous enough to bring Leno out of retirement.

Like, maybe, "Council addresses SOB ordinance."

You might even write a second graph that says something like, "The Green River City Council has started the process of approving an ordinance making it illegal for an SOB to locate near another SOB, a religious institution, any school or daycare, any public park, residential zone district, boy’s or girl’s club or youth organization, library, museum or a dwelling unit."

"That would break up a lot of neighborhoods and maybe even some families," remarked a journalism colleague of mine.

But for the record, Green River is apparently a pretty great place to live, because, according to the Star, currently, there's only one SOB within city limits.

As I'm sure you realized, SOB stands for a "Sexually Oriented Business," and Green River is seeking to regulate them.

If their city council passes the new ordinance, adult businesses would need some kind of Sexually Oriented License. Without one, you'll likely be... well, you can figure it out.

Hard of hearings

2009-07-18T01:58:00.002-06:00

Copy editors and judges typically understand the importance of getting a sentence right the first time. Otherwise, their hard work loses its appeal.

Consider the headline at left, which appeared on Yahoo! News Thursday. In the frenzied rush to bring play-by-play coverage of Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor's Senate hearings, this one may have jumped the vetting line.

It is possible that the broken grammar was an effort to acknowledge the Hispanic folks who use English as a second language. Certainly, the U.S. is melting pot of people from all talks of life ("Out of Many, One," right?), but it still looks bad when you put a singulus where you should have used a pluribus.

Then again, it just as likely could have been an article about something altogether different; as a colleague suggested, perhaps it's actually a recap of a sociological study on race and disabilities in our schoolyards -- one that will be followed up with the companion piece, "How are the deaf playing with Hispanics?"

I might suggest that - even with corrected syntax - it wasn't all that great of a headline, but really, who am I to judge?

Slaunchcast: I'm so fly

2009-06-29T23:35:00.004-06:00

People stare at me only for good reasons -- like my magnetic attractiveness.

Music by Podington Bear (song: "Sunspots").

Slaunchcast: You're KILZing me

2009-05-30T00:33:00.008-06:00

If you name your paint product "KILZ," you really can't afford to make potentially creepy ads. Elsewise, would-be comedians will try to wipe the walls with you.
Music by Kevin McCleod (song: "Sunshine") and Podington Bear (song: "Multicolor Stresstab"); audio from a KILZ commercial.

P.S. Did you know you subscribe to and download these sporadic audio postings in iTunes? Well, you can. Click on the image below:

Or, if you don't want to use iTunes, or want to subscribe using a different podcast aggregator, this is my Slaunchcast feed.

Slaunchcast: Mother's Day is for the birds

2009-05-26T00:11:00.002-06:00

What happens when Mother's Day and International Migratory Bird Day fall on the same day? Bad things.
Music by Podington Bear, bird ambiance by dobroide, footsteps by Robinhood76, and
slap by Syna-Max.

Slaunchcast: AT&T is already here

2009-05-19T01:19:00.005-06:00

AT&T recently announced plans to buy up 1.5 million Alltel users in 19 states - including my own Wyoming. My question: what's the point?
Music by Podington Bear.

Pete Waterman: Millionares being exploited

2009-04-14T23:11:00.004-06:00

Sorry guys, but I just want to tell you how I'm feeling.

The co-writer of the Rick Astley classic, "Never Gonna Give You Up," called a press conference today to complain that he hasn't gotten richer lately.

Thanks to a bizarre online meme called "Rickrolling,"Astley's 1987 music video has become a smash Internet sensation, being viewed some 154 million times on YouTube. For all that exposure, however, Waterman received only $16 in YouTube ad revenue.

I'll admit it: that sucks. But Waterman's hyperbolic whining is pompous and pathetic.

"Panorama did a documentary on the exploitation of foreign workers in Dubai," he told reporters. "I feel like one of those workers, because I earned less for a year's work off Google or YouTube than they did off the Bahrain government."

Wow.

Good point, Pete. Because, as you know, those workers also have a net worth of $45 million. And Google, much like an evil government, is definitely reaping IMMENSE economic benefits from your videos on YouTube.

There's more I could say, like, "You really don't deserve payment for most of those views," and "Those views probably translated to more CD sales, anyway," but instead I'll just say this:

Pete, you've let me down.

Don't worry: the cat-fish is hyphen-allergenic

2009-01-20T00:52:00.000-07:00

There are things you just can't do at a Chinese restaurant - like carelessly label food items that contain the word "cat." It's a scientific fact that in every Asian eatery there is always at least one wiseacre just waiting for an excuse to tell a joke about pet-eating.

So when I ran across this sign at my local Chinese buffet a couple weeks back, I had to ask: why, as an entrepreneur, would you open yourself up for criticism with an unnecessary hyphen?

And for the record, the underlines don't help.Even as a regular customer, I have to say the sign was enough to give me paws.

The blue pill reveals true nature

2009-01-19T19:51:00.006-07:00

Some photoshop doodling.Some context. The rest of the context would be the unsolicited emails indirectly from True that have flooded various inboxes of mine over the years.

Democracy in China? DO NOT WANT.

2009-01-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

I spent some time at Best Buy on Saturday, browsing their massive array of entertainment goodies. At three separate points during my DVD and video game section perusing, I was approached by an employee asking if I needed any help. Each time, I said "No, thanks."

Now, before you decide that this story is mind-numbingly boring, consider this fact - it was the same female employee each time during the 30 minute or so period.

At first, I wasn't sure if she just needed something to do, had a concussion, or if my facial expressions were varied enough that I looked like an entirely different person every ten minutes.

It wasn't until I reached the music section that I realized the real reason for her persistence.

Apparently, when a Best Buy employee asks, "Can I help you find anything?" the correct answer is, "Yeah - do you still have any copies of Chinese Democracy?"

Because there, in the rock/R&B section, taking up almost a third of the row, were more than 300 copies of Guns and Roses' much-ballyhooed release, Chinese Democracy. The below picture is fuzzy, but basically, those CDs with yellow stickers are Axl Roses' latest. Apparently, that exclusive distribution deal with Best Buy deal isn't working out so hot for either party.

Some thought required

2009-01-03T00:11:00.008-07:00

I'm a big fan of In-N-Out Burger, but as a friend, I must say they can do better at labeling their equipment.

When I was at one of their fine San Jose establishments a couple weeks back, I thought I noticed that one of the one of the drink dispensers had been vandalized.Then, looking closer, I realized it was just a pretty crappy abbreviation.Fortunately, the lemonade tasted fine.

Appropriately celebrating Creative Commons' birthday

2008-12-16T12:20:00.004-07:00

Creative Commons is turning six years old today, December 16, 2008. It's a terrific copyright project that allows creators to retain their intellectual property rights while allowing uses like sharing and remixing.

Being a copyright nerd, I made the below video to celebrate.
If the video makes no sense to you, well, that's probably my fault. I'll write an explanation a little later.

The hilarity of leaky pipes

2008-12-11T22:25:00.004-07:00

Some hired drips mistakenly put a hole in one of my home's heating pipes this week while doing some ceiling work. We had to go without heat for a night, but that and a wet bathroom floor were the only real problems. Not a big deal in the scheme of things.

Furthermore, in addition to the stream of water, a bunch of strange and somewhat wonderful sounds also sprung forth from the leak. They were recorded by myself and they are honest-to-goodness real and are listenable below. I can't promise that you'll find them as amusing as I and my family did, but I do guarantee the sounds are far more interesting than you would think.

If the flash audio player doesn't appear in the space above, you can download the MP3 here.

P.S. Happy Birthday Carolee!

All aTwitter

2008-11-07T23:05:00.002-07:00

As you may not have noticed, I haven't been updating this blog all that often. And odds are good - though not certain - it'll stay sporadic at best. However, I still like sharing links and thoughts because it makes me feel cool. So, in part at the suggestion of Wired, I've taken up Twittering.

If you're not familiar with Twitter, you can watch this.

Basically, it's microblogging. You're limited to 140 characters or less per post, and it's so easy to use, even a caveman could do it. It's almost like Myspace+Blogging, but minus the trolls, drama, and large time commitment.

I'd encourage anyone to sign up over there and join me. It's really easy to have quick exchanges over there. It could be fun, and easier to update than a blog, too.

I'll probably continue this blog as a home for any longer-form stuff I write, and I'll most likely link anything I write here on my Twitter account.

So, if you're interested, you can follow me at http://twitter.com/CJBarker or subscribe to my Twitter RSS feed here.

LiveScience flunks simple survey write-up

2008-10-17T00:06:00.007-06:00

I could apologize for the long layoff, but it's been long enough that it would probably be kind of awkward.

The cardinal rule of mocking is that you don't say anything stupid while doing it.

For example: if you're blasting somebody for their "embarrassingly terrible spelling," you double-check to make sure you didn't typo terrible as terribel. Elsewise, you're just asking for reciprocal reprimands.*

The folks at LiveScience.com apparently missed this rule when crafting their piece entitled "Americans flunk simple 3-question political survey."

The story, which recounts a political knowledge survey, was picked up by Yahoo News this morning. A recent study, LiveScience tells us, found that 82 percent of Americans are too clueless to name the party in control of the U.S House of Representatives (Democrats), the U.S. Secretary of State (Condileeza Rice), and the British Prime Minister (Gordon Brown).

The piece was doing a great job of shaming us readers when the story tripped.

"While most news audiences knew that Democrats have a majority in the House, participants struggled to correctly name the current British prime minister.

Just four news audiences had a majority who correctly identified Gordon..."

If you know journalist writing, you know we don't use first names on second reference. So it raises the question: did the writer not realize that Gordon was Brown's first name? Did they think those crazy Englishmen do those surname/first name reversals like Asian cultures?

It's possible that the writer just had a brain cramp. But I find it more plausible that the reporter knows ole Gordo well enough that they're on a first-name basis. It certainly would explain why they were so concerned folks didn't know Brown's name.

Regardless, the original version has since been fixed at LiveScience. I'm optimistic I didn't make grammar error** in this post.

*In fact, that's basically how forum threads work.
**Wow. That was actually unintentional, and I feel too guilty to fix it.

Kmart sucks.*

2008-05-13T18:26:00.018-06:00

I spent 84 cents at Kmart today. I got more than 2 feet of receipt in return.

The monstrosity is below (actual size**).

Roommate Steve made the observation that perhaps Kmart wouldn't have filed for bankruptcy if they had cut back on receipt paper.

It's worth considering, but I'm willing to bet that, at least in Laramie, it has more to do with their migraine-inducing paint job. In my book, orange and green just doesn't jive with the red and blue Kmart logo.

*Hat tip to Rain Man.
**No, really.

None of the above

2008-05-11T22:55:00.004-06:00

A number of classes at the University of Wyoming require students to create surveys. So, toward the end of each semester, students flood the inboxes of their fellow students with requests to complete their survey. As you would guess, they vary in quality and importance.

Some gauge the feasibility of bringing a new restaurant to town interest, while others seek to address issues of social justice; some are well-written, and others aren't.

And still others are downright ridiculous.

Below is a screenshot from the survey someone put together to learn more about what people prefer which search engines. I started filling it out until I realized it makes exactly zero sense. Click on it to see it up close.
If someone can explain to me how "military vet in household" is a "hobby," I'd be most grateful.

As a side note, the latest episode of Third Wheel Politics (featuring an interview with Jimmy Carter) is available here.

Other work

2008-04-21T03:41:00.003-06:00

I would stop posting updates to my Third Wheel Politics site on Slaunchways, but since I haven't posted in a while, and I need all the publicity I can get, I won't.

I just finished editing an interview with presidential candidate Donald Allen. You can listen to it here, if so interested.

IDK what's going on

2008-04-09T01:05:00.001-06:00

The Wall Street Journal recently ran an article about marketers incorporating text messaging slang into their ad campaigns.

Guess that explains the sign I spotted at Safeway the other day:Then again, I'm not sold on the legitimacy of the charity. How believable is it that seals could carry baskets or, for that matter, lay colored eggs? Sounds like they're up to no good.

A sweet new podcast about politics!

2008-04-06T00:39:00.009-06:00

Actually, the title here is deceptive, cuz this is little more than self-advertising. But hey, what is a personal blog for if not shameless self-promotion?

As a part of a senior project at college, I've begun a website/podcast called Third Wheel Politics. Basically, it's an attempt to look at the presidential candidates who haven't made it into the national spotlight. Some 250 folks are seeking (or at some point sought) the White House in 2008. The podcast aims to tell their stories.

Granted, most of these candidates have no chance, but that's exactly why I'm so interested: they keep on fighting despite impossible odds. A longer explanation of my motivations can be found here (or here in audio form).

Anyway, I just got the first episode up (here) that lays out some of the issues this project will explore (ballot access, two-party politics, etc.), and I would totally love your support if you're interested.

Wyoming's overage drinking problem?

2008-03-31T02:35:00.011-06:00

Academic studies can lead to all kinds of weird stuff. Take, for example, the following.

In 1992, the Wyoming Supreme Court heard a case regarding age discrimination.

Wyoming legislators had crafted a unique measure to curb underage drinking. (yes, it's bad here.) Those under the age of 19 convicted of "any offense regarding the possession, delivery, manufacture or use of alcohol" would temporarily lose driving privileges (90 days). 19 and 20 year old drinking convicts held onto their licenses.*

Predictably, some MIP-club members appealed the decision, saying it was "cruel and unusual punishment," and a violation of Wyoming's equal protection clause.** Ultimately, the appellants won their case and the statute was overturned.

However, that's not the most interesting part of the story.

In one of the first days of one of my constitutional law classes, my professor warned us that court cases are just plain difficult to read. He said decisions are often written by judges who are super-intelligent or by judges trying to sound super-intelligent.

With that in mind, read the following excerpt from the case, Johnson v. State Hearing Examiner's Office:

These appeals chronicle the current national examination of the use of alcoholic beverages by the younger members of our society as a constituent factor within this country's crisis of misuse of intoxicants by persons above a minimal level of perhaps age twelve and continuing thereafter through all age groups, but not necessarily notable for those past the age of 100.

Is it just me, or is the final bit perhaps the most baffling and unnecessary clause since 2006?

Seriously, what merited the mention of centenarians and super-centenarians? Are they ever a particularly notable "constituent factor"? There's only around 55,000 of them in the the U.S.

Maybe there are circumstances I don't know about. Perhaps there is research to suggest alcoholism just ends at age 100.

I could be wrong here, but from this vantage point, it seems as if the judge could have crafted a better sentence.

*Just so we're clear: if it's a DUI, licenses were (and are) in jeopardy regardless of age. These kids were subject to license-stripping if abusing alcohol anywhere: on foot, scooters, horses, Segways, or even while unconscious on a stationary couch.
**"All laws of a general nature shall have a uniform operation." -Wyoming Constitution, article 1, section 34
Final note: In a dissenting opinion, a different Justice wrote: "Wyo. Stat. § 31-7-126 and Wyo. Stat. § 31-7-128(f) were designed to keep certain young drivers who keep company with John Barleycorn off the highway and, thus, reduce fatalities and injuries." John Barleycorn? Honestly, I had never heard that one before. You can rest assured I'll be working it into a conversation sometime soon.

Noooooooo!

2008-03-29T02:09:00.006-06:00

I'm not doing the concept justice, but I had to post this.Before you ask why or what it means, read this. Then continue in your perplexity.

And yes, the Deeth Starr Valley is a real place in Nevada. I have a lousy shot of the sign in my personal collection.

Credits:
Deeth Starr photo by Emily Prachthauser. Darth vader cape from photo by Flickr user Liquidoom. Helmet shown (here years younger) courtesy of Nate (yes, Darth Nate Dawg), neck by me, and photography by Steve.

The real reason for global warming...

2008-03-17T22:42:00.002-06:00

or card-borders on willful?
I mean, really?

Wyoming turned topsy-turvy with Clinton caucus visit

2008-03-07T02:35:00.003-07:00

Wyoming is a large state with a small population and a staunchly Republican electorate.

So it was more than a bit off-putting to see Bill Clinton - in Laramie - giving a stump speech to an overflowing crowd of supporters.*

Bill, campaigning on behalf of his wife and '08 presidential contender Hillary, spoke to a packed house at the University of Wyoming's Sports Complex. Of course, the place only holds about 1,200 people. I'm no expert, but I bet more than twice that number showed up.**

The question on everyone's lips as the line wrapped around multiple buildings was why the campaign didn't choose a bigger venue.

My theory is they didn't want to risk looking bad for delivering a fiery call to action to an unenthusiastic set of bleachers. But a rumor flying around the crowd said the Clinton campaign didn't want to pony up the extra cash to rent the far larger Arena Auditorium (which Obama has reserved for tomorrow night).***

Regardless of the reason, the complex was packed to the sardine gills.

Campaign folks set up an overflow room with a TV which, in turn, also overflowed. The remaining attendees were sent to the Fieldhouse (shown at right) where audio from Clinton's speech was piped in. Unfortunately, the audio there was so garbled that if you hadn't known, you wouldn't have been able to distinguish Bill from John McCain.****

Folks had been leaving in chunks as soon as it was announced the Complex was full. When the Fieldhouse audio stunk, that was the final straw for most. Others didn't give up so easily.

The Sports Complex is kind of a weird structure. The building is sunk into the ground with windows at ground level. At each corner of the building, you can look through the windows down onto the main stage/court area.

If that description makes no sense, look at the picture here that shows the windows from a distance.

At left is a picture of the hardcore folks who refused to just go home. Thanks to the podium positioning and the (alarming) absence of security, it was possible to catch a glimpse of the action - though eventually, a maintenance guy showed up and chased everybody off. Honestly, the audio through the glass was better than the stuff coming into the Fieldhouse.

So believe it or not, the fuzzy, hard-to-make-out figure speaking at the thing that looks like a podium is actually President Clinton. (Click on the image for a bigger, better view.)

There was a guy at the window with his son who insisted his kid take a peek before they headed for home.

Political views aside, you've gotta admit it's at least kinda cool to have a President in your town.

Tomorrow, Barack's coming.

A number of the disappointed people shut out of Bill's speech said they were planning on hitting up Barack's rally tomorrow night.

It seems like another indicator that even this late in the race, Democrats continue to identify with both candidates.

Then again, maybe they're like me and simply happen to find presidential politics ridiculously addictive.

*I like to think of them as "HillBillies." Clever, huh?
**Heck, 2,000 people showed up in Riverton - population less than 10,000.
***I don't buy the rumor. If I'm reading the University's
fee sheet correctly, the difference between the UniWyo Sports Complex where Clinton spoke and the Arena is less than $1,000. When you're spending $30 million plus a month, I think you can afford it.
****Eat your heart out, Limbaugh. Obnoxiously enough, the playlist before the speech sounded just fine. There was some song that mentioned the word change a whole lot, and U2's City of Blinding Lights. Unsurprisingly, no Rush.

The Final Word: Distinguished vs. Distinguised

2008-02-06T00:30:00.000-07:00

You may recall that last April I poked fun at a poster announcing that George Mitchell would be visiting the University of Wyoming campus.

Basically, I found it funny that a prestigious speaker was heralded with the typo "DISTINGUISED SPEAKER."

Then, this past September I noticed another poster listing a different lecturer - this time, Dr. Andrew Williams - as a "distinguised" guest.

I then came to the conclusion that the misspelling was actually intentional and that "distinguised" had some academic meaning beyond my knowledge. I promptly apologized for my earlier criticism.

HOWSOMEEVER, it now appears I should have instead enjoyed a follow-up snicker.

I recently consulted Webster's Third New International Dictionary (Unabridged), and found no references to the word "distinguised."

Keep in mind - this is a 4-inch thick dictionary that does include "distinguishability" and "distinguishingly" as real words.

To further support its credibility, the book also includes the word slaunchways (proof).

But it wasn't arrogance, randomness, or obsessive compulsive disorderness that caused me to revisit the "distinguised" issue (this time).

It was this framed version of the Mitchell poster (currently on display in the political science department) that obligated me to exhume and thrash the dead horse:Case closed.

Looks like someone needed a little more time and an extra letter. Or, to put it more simply, the poster lacked two things: preparation, H.

Frozen Fish: Not so a-lure-ing

2008-02-04T00:30:00.000-07:00

Walking to class this past week, I ran across something I found really strange:

Fish.

Frozen in the gutter.

And I'm not talking like fish sticks or salmon patties.

I'm talking full-bodied suckers like these:
I'm guessing this was a tragically misguided attempt to spawn up-gutter or something, because otherwise I'm baffled as to how they got there.

A grave situation...

2008-02-01T01:30:00.000-07:00

or bare-bones life insurance?
I'm guessing this tarp is trash from the construction site across the street. But that doesn't make it much less creepy. I swear I see a face.

Bottom line: bunched-up tarps just have no business being near a cemetery.

For the sake of full disclosure, I'm only assuming there isn't actually a body in there. There was no way I was about to check.
UPDATE: I've been informed that the above looks nothing like a body. I remain firm in my belief that, actually, it does.

Thick head and broad shoulders

2008-01-30T00:10:00.000-07:00

To prove how tough and manly my roommates and I are, I submit the following:

This past weekend, we had 5 bottles of Head and Shoulders in our shower.

No joke.For the record, that's 1.7 bottles of Head and Shoulders per roommate.

Call us dandruff-paranoid if you must, but don't accuse of us of smelling like buttered avocados and daisies.

Why 651 stickers? Learning Playground asks: Why not?

2008-01-22T01:39:00.000-07:00

There's a lot to like about the packaging on Learning Playground's "Way Retro Stickers."
I can almost hear the sales pitch now:*

One awesome thing about these stickers is that they aren't just retro - they're "Way Retro." You may not think that's an important distinction, but believe me, it is. The brand, Learning Playground, also offers "Really Retro" and "Retro Success" stickers."

Another super cool feature is the odd quantity: Why not "650 Way Retro Stickers"? Or, if that last sticker is so important, wouldn't "Over 650 Way Retro Stickers!!!" sound a bit better?

Perhaps, but browsing Learning Playground's products yields no shortage of unorthodox numbering.

A sampling:

480 Success Stickers
500 Heavy Hauling Stickers
508 Monster Truck Stickers
548 Nature Photo Stickers
660 Friendly Fish Stickers
722 Tween Stuff Stickers
778 Farming Stickers
792 Cute Animal Stickers
804 Animal Success Stickers
Over 1,260 Motivational Stickers
Over 1,570 Motivational Stickers
1,800 Mini Stickers

I'd like to think there's some deep spiritual significance in those numbers, or at least a hidden Masonic message, but I'm guessing they just print whatever fits on the page and slap that number on the front.

So much for finding the most commercially-appealing quantity.

*There should be audio embedded directly below that sentence. If not, you can find it here. Music: Fork and Spoon by Kevin MacLeod.

Real truth in Google Advertising

2008-01-18T01:47:00.000-07:00

Google's Adsense may make cents, but it doesn't always make common sense.

Look at this screenshot grabbed from a web page I reached through an unsolicited email. Specifically, check out the sweet Google ad in the bottom right hand corner (click for the full-size image):
Somehow, I doubt the site owners would be pleased to have that ad on their webspace.

Then again, it's gotta be at least kinda cool to have people pay for the privilege of insulting you. And if nothing else, the ad revenue might work as a small down-payment for the libel suit.

If a long-time regular, you may remember this previous post on Google Ad irrelevance.

Obscenity: Another reason to hate CAPTCHA

2008-01-09T02:00:00.000-07:00

WARNING: The following post contains bad language. If you're not old enough to watch an R-rated movie, I'll see you next time. Yes, I'm serious.

It's often been said that if an infinite number of monkeys were to start banging away at an infinite number of typewriters, one would produce a script of Shakespeare's Hamlet.

What they don't tell you is that - inevitably - one of the other monkeys would end writing up a script of George Carlin's "Seven Dirty Words."

Google apparently hired the latter monkey.

To help prevent automated computer scripts from opening accounts on their GrandCentral phone service, Google employs common CAPTCHA word verification. These are images of distorted, randomly (or monkey) generated letters - much like what you'll see if you try to post a comment on this blog.

So while I was browsing through GrandCentral's hundreds of available phone numbers, I saw a lot of fuzzy, warped, random letter combinations.

But this one wasn't all that random-looking.

(full screenshot here)

Honestly, I'm not particularly good at solving CAPTCHA's;* I fail them frequently enough that I check my six for Rick Deckard.

But this one is easy. From the capitalization and clarity, you can tell it's not some muttered, under-the-breath f-bomb - it's a full-fledged curse worthy of Samuel L. Jackson.

And this isn't the first documented case of abusive CAPTCHA, either.

Even if this was being used as an adjective, somebody should be ashamed. Because this stuff isn't fit for Curious George's eyes.

*In my defense, seriously - can you tell how many "v's" this fricking thing has?! And does this have a "v" or a "u" in it?!
If you think I made this up, the image is still on GrandCentral's server here. UPDATE, 1/9, 2:20 PM: The link is dead. If my visit logs are to be believed, give GrandCentral credit for taking it down pretty quickly.

Why Mitt Romney's Wyoming caucus victory rings hollow

2008-01-07T22:00:00.000-07:00

These days you can't go anywhere without running into political talk. So, I don't feel guilty hijacking the regular Slaunchways shtick (if there is such a thing) in favor of a loooong political rant. Heck, there may never again be a more politically opportune time for a Wyomingite to speak his piece.

The short version...

For this political creature, Wyoming's caucuses highlighted three troubling trends:
1. We have a mainstream media focused more on hype than facts and issues.
2. Political parties - specifically Wyoming's GOP - are proving to be more interested in themselves than democracy.
3. From the national scene all the way down to the grassroots level, it takes alarming sums of money to drive "free elections."

Intrigued? Please read on. I've also provided an audio track of me reading the story in an attempt to make it easier to follow and focus. It is embedded below.

If you weren't aware, Saturday was the day of Wyoming's Republican conventions. In a nutshell, they were similar to the Iowa caucuses that drew near-constant media and political attention over the past few weeks - though here, the Democrats decided to hold off until March.

Up until the "day of” - Wyoming's conventions had largely snuck under the radar of mainstream media. As soon as Iowans finished their caucuses, most media outlets immediately switched focus to New Hampshire - which will hold its primaries Tuesday.

That’s in spite of the fact Wyoming actually has greater clout within the GOP nominating process than New Hampshire. Surprised?

Because the Republican Party awards delegates based on merit (i.e. the number of GOP congresspeople elected, total votes for Republican candidates, etc.), Wyoming has 14 delegates to the Republican National Convention.

New Hampshire has 12.

But that hasn't drawn much national press. As Casper Star-Tribune reporter Jared Miller wrote in an article Saturday morning, "The lack of attention translated into only occasional mentions about the Wyoming conventions in the national media, and those sometimes came with a wink." [link]

Results from the conventions show Mitt Romney handily winning the Cowboy State. While the triumph may give the Romney campaign a shot in the arm, it's equally possible that the victory will be quickly forgotten in the national scheme of things.

But for this voter, the lessons are what will be hard to ignore. In my mind, Wyoming's conventions highlight some pitfalls of our form of democracy.

As noted Friday in a scathing column by John McCormack of The Weekly Standard (and bemoaned by my roommates and me for months), the real story may be Wyoming Republicans' woefully indirect means of choosing a presidential candidate.

As McCormack writes, "While Wyoming lacks the historical and geographical significance of Iowa and New Hampshire, what most diminishes its importance is its arcane system of electing delegates, a process that is much more liable to charges of being 'undemocratic' and 'unrepresentative' than the Iowa caucuses." [link]

Harsh words, but perhaps fitting for the state GOP's labyrinthine political setup.

Here's how it works:

In mid-December, Wyoming's Republicans met at the precinct level (very small areas; Meeteetsee, pop. 350, has at least 3 precincts) to elect precinct committee men and women. The importance of those elections is this: only precinct committee men and women were allowed to vote in Saturday's county conventions. In other words, not every Republican got to vote.

In my home of Park County, where a 2004 count found more than 11,000 registered Republicans [link], only 50 people had the privilege of casting a vote for a presidential candidate.

Statewide, only 1200 of the state's 160,000 or so registered Republicans (.75%) had the opportunity to vote for a delegate/candidate. [link1] [link2] Furthermore, of those 1200 committee men and women, only 300 or so were elected at the December precinct conventions. The overwhelming majority were elected in 2006 - before Wyoming chose to move up their selection date and "be a player" in the nominating process. [link] It also was before some contenders had announced their candidacy.

On Saturday, the precincts' selected few met in each county and cast their ballots. But they didn't vote for presidential candidates like McCain, Romney, Huckabee, Paul, etc. Instead, these 1200 Republicans voted for local folks dedicated to support a specific candidate. The person who received the most votes would go on to the Republican National Convention (RNC) in September and cast a vote for their chosen candidate.

So rather than actually voting for Mitt Romney, Park County's Republicans voted for Marilyn Taylor, who had pledged to support the former Massachusetts governor at the RNC.

Park County's initial voting looked like this:

19 votes for Mitt Romney's delegate (Taylor)
10 votes for Duncan Hunter's delegate
8 votes for Fred Thompson's delegate
8 votes for Rudy Guiliani's delegate
5 votes for Ron Paul's delegate
Not represented by delegates: Mike Huckabee and John McCain

In round-robin elimination (voting in rounds, with the lowest vote-getter dropped each time), Taylor – who is free to switch candidates between now and September – won a majority and became Park County's (and Romney's) representative at the RNC.

The problem with this process became clear. When the GOP later conducted a straw poll to see which Park County's Republicans favored, the results changed:

13 votes for Hunter
11 votes for Romney
10 votes for Huckabee
4 votes for Paul
4 votes for Guiliani
3 votes for Thompson
2 votes for McCain

Ultimately, Hunter won out over Romney with Huckabee coming in third. This apparent gap between the proxy selected and actual candidate supported is troubling. And at least anecdotally, it appears not to be an isolated occurrence. A Ron Paul supporter in Campbell County (which also selected a Romney surrogate) said their straw poll had Paul as the top vote-getter. [link]

To me, these discrepancies are a grim reminder that party politics can play as large a role as democratic processes.

Money also emerged as a determining factor.

Of course, that should come as little surprise - our political world is one where some of society's wealthiest receive donations and tax-supported wages to "represent the people."

As noted in stories by CNN and CBS this year, it's easier to point out the presidential candidates who are not millionaires. Hillary Clinton, Ron Paul, Rudy Guiliani, John Edwards, Mitt Romney, and John McCain all appear to make the tier of America's richest 1 percent. Barak Obama is at least close to that seven figure threshold, Mike Huckabee is comfortably into the hundred-thousands, and I'd venture a guess that former Law and Order actor and Tennessee Senator Fred Thompson isn't hurting either. [link1] [link2]

Of course the craziest part is that those millions aren't enough. As an April USA Today article read, "Republican John McCain, once considered the front-runner in his party, raised questions about his operations by bringing in a mere $12.5 million" [emphasis mine]. As laughable as that sounds, early estimates predicted campaign expenditures to top one billion dollars in the '08 presidential race. [link]

And don't think the high price tag applies only to politics at the national level.

I have little doubt that a primary reason Huckabee and McCain went unrepresented in Park County was because their supporters weren't interested in the cost of representing them. The pair had folks speak on their behalf, but those folks weren't willing to spend money and time on a September trip to the RNC in Minneapolis.

Delegates to the National Convention are responsible for paying their own way - a bill estimated at about $3,000. For most people, that's a serious chunk of change. The average Wyomingite, who pulls in a little over $40,000 a year, would be spending more than 5 percent of their income to get a candidate "on the ballot." [link]

To frame it another way, consider this: according to federal campaign finance laws, a supporter can contribute no more than $2,300 to a candidate’s primary election campaign. [link] While a trip to the RNC probably shouldn’t qualify as a $3,000 in-kind donation, it does seem to be an alarmingly high political price.

Basically, to get a full slate of candidates this year, you had to have 7 people in each of Wyoming’s 23 counties willing to pony up 3 grand for their political beliefs. In Park County, there were apparently only 5 people willing or able to do so - regardless of support. Huckabee apparently had 20% of my county's precinct members, but no delegate. Who knows if that happened elsewhere.

I believe it's crucial that all options are on the table at the primary stage.

In this election cycle, Republicans voting for, say, Mike Huckabee, are supporting a candidate who – honest-to-goodness – wants to do away with the IRS.

GOPers choosing Ron Paul are opting for a foreign policy based on non-intervention - an ideology not embraced by the other Republican candidates.

Put simply, there are serious policy decisions being made during our nation's preliminaries. But in Wyoming, those decisions are being made deep within the Republican's political machine.

In a wrap-up in the Wyoming Tribune-Eagle, a disenchanted resident, Josh Gatrell, voiced his disappointment with the GOP's set-up. "It seems like this avenue almost discourages participation from your local average citizen," he said. [link]

Gatrell’s assessment stands in direct contrast to the strategy espoused by state Republican county coordinator Tom Sansonetti.

Miller of the Casper Star Tribune paraphrased the motivations: "The goal all along, Sansonetti said, was to convince candidates to pay attention to rank-and-file Wyoming Republicans, and that happened. 'Anything above and beyond that is icing on the cake,' said Sansonetti..." [link]

His claim is awfully hard to swallow.

Certainly, the state GOP energized things and brought unprecedented national attention. And as Sansonetti noted, any attention was better than previous years.

But while I may be off the mark, I can't shake the feeling that true "rank-and-file" Republicans experienced little change.

For a further example, the GOP hosted a presidential forum in late September that brought Thompson, Hunter, and Kansas Senator Sam Brownback to the state. But only the elected precinct people were allowed to ask questions of the candidates during the forum, and, according to a GOP press release, it was those credentialed folk who were "provided the unique opportunity to meet and talk with the candidates." [link]

To this unaffiliated voter, the Republicans have crafted a system that allows only a small number of elected voters to participate, and forces those bold enough to get involved into a dizzying and expensive political maze. While obviously some like the set-up, the frustrated commentors on recent news stories and blogs covering the caucuses seem to support my view.

In this writer's opinion, Wyoming's GOP could stand to be a little less of a "Grand Ole Party" and a little more of a "Government Of the People."

All images used in this post came from candidates' official websites. Mitt Romney - www.mittromney.com; Duncan Hunter - www.gohunter08.com; Fred Thompson - www.fred08.com; Rudy Guiliani - www.joinrudy2008.com; Ron Paul - www.ronpaul2008.com; Mike Huckabee - www.mikehuckabee.com; John McCain - www.johnmccain.com.

Got your own thoughts? Wholeheartedly agree? Vehemently object? By all means - leave a comment or shoot me an email. The more viewpoints, the better, but please keep it civil.

Duncan Hunter deserves a vote of some kind

2008-01-06T01:16:00.000-07:00

I can't say I agree with long-shot presidential candidate and current California Representative Duncan Hunter on everything. Actually, I'm not so sure I even agree with him on all that much. But he deserves some props.

If you haven't heard, yesterday the Wyoming Republican party picked a presidential candidate to support at various county conventions. The winner turned out to be Mitt Romney.

But that's neither here nor there.

Being the political junkie I am, I dropped in on the caucus-thingie in my county to soak up the political atmosphere.

Basically, the process involved people standing up and telling their fellow Republicans why they should support Ron Paul, or Mitt Romney, or Duncan Hunter, or whoever. It's actually a confusing and painfully complex process (and I've crafted a lengthy rant about it here), but essentially, these folks were volunteering to go the Republican National Convention and vote for their candidate of choice.

For example, Betty Sue might be supporting Rudy Guiliani. She would give a speech about how tough the Rudester's been on crime and how low-life scuzzballs quake in his wake. Then, all the people who enjoy watching scuzzballs quake would vote for her, thereby (indirectly) voting for Guiliani.

Anyway, this went on for a couple candidates until the process reached the gentleman speaking on behalf of Duncan Hunter. He said something to the effect of, "I'll tell you a little about Duncan, but I can let him tell you himself in just a minute by phone."

I figured it was some insider GOP humor that was over my unaffiliated head, but then Duncan Hunter actually came on the line (via a microphone-amplified cell phone speaker) and gave the folks in the room a short spiel on what he stood for - for example, 2nd amendment and state rights. The picture above and at left was taken sometime during that speech.

Hunter's money quote in support of greater state control:

"I know that IQs don't get any higher when you fly over the Mississippi River."

I thought it was pretty good. I mean, I lol-ed.

I was also a little blown away by the fact that a dude fighting for his electoral life in New Hampshire would (for that matter, could) take the time to speak to 80 people or so in a remote corner of Wyoming. Heck, 80 people is an insignificant number even for Wyoming. Especially since those 80 people were voting for a National Convention alternate.

Yeah.

In other words, this time around, our county's Republicans had pretty much no say in the grand scheme of things; our county only gets to appoint a delegate to the national convention every other election cycle.

I'm not sure if Hunter knew that, but regardless, I was impressed. Had I been a Republican and qualified to vote (again, a long story), he would have had my ballot just because he took the time to call.

Of course, his personal pitch didn't stop Romney's surrogate from winning our county's alternate spot. But he did beat Romney in an equally meaningless straw poll among our qualified Republican voters - picking up roughly 26% of the vote.

Seriously, whatever his motivations, personally calling a small handful of nobodies is commendable in my book. I can only wish Hunter the best of luck, even if his presidential run is short-lived.

State of the Blog

2008-01-02T12:40:00.000-07:00

A new year is upon us. Meaning it's time to ramble about this blog.

Contrary to my stated goals for 2007, the number of posts decreased in the past 365 days as compared to the previous 365. For that, I apologize.

To perhaps deal with the problem, I am making a ~~quantifiable goal~~ resolution to average a post every four days. That's not a firm number, but I'll try to use it as a guideline.

Additionally, traffic levels continued to be embarrassingly low. Like, 10 hits a day slow. At this point, I think it's clear I'm doing something wrong. However, it's great that it's usually 10 cool people that I know and love.

Also, 2007's photo montage (at left) looks even worse than 2006's similarly thrown-together monstrosity.

But '07 did bring a number of good things. Unknown Knowns and Other Ramblings was rechristened as Slaunchways and I think the switch to the new format and slaunchways.com has been a large improvement (correct me if I'm wrong here).

Additionally, '07 saw this blogger's first forays into video-making and podcasting. Hopefully, those areas will become more creative and frequent. Quit laughing.

If you're reading this, thanks for sticking with me this far. I hope 2008 is the best yet. Much as I hoped 2007 would be. And 2006, too.

Anyway, best of luck to you on your resolutions if you haven't given up on them already.

Even the obnoxious deserve Christmas cheer

2007-12-26T16:05:00.001-07:00

You probably know how interested I am in unsolicited email. Like, sickly fascinated by it.

I got the following email a while back:

Hello Mister,

My name is Dxxxxx Vxxxx and I'm writing you this e-mail from my home office here in Boise, Idaho.

The reason for this e-mail is that you and I share something in common...

At some point in our lives we contemplated or tried to start a home-based business.

Don't worry; I'm not trying to sell you anything.

I just want to ask you a simple question.

"If I helped you start a part-time internet business from your home and in two years you were able to quit your job or possibly retire...would you send me a Thank You card?"

You see, I work with a team of professionals who've been working from home for many years and we've helped many, many people get started with their own Internet/home-based business.

If your answer is "Yes", that you would send me a "thank-you" card and that you would like to learn more, please take the no obligation tour by clicking the link below;

http://www.xxxxxxxxxx.com

If your answer is "No", please delete this email as I will not be intentionally contacting you again.

Thank you so much for your time.

I hope you will at least take a look at it.

Sincerely,
Dxxxxx Vxxxx
Home Office: [Idaho phone #]

In answer to her "simple question," I sent the following reply earlier this month. Click to see a more readable size.Ms. Vxxxx's email is one of the most cordial I have ever received, and I have no idea if the offers are legit. She does have a real (or at least real-looking) webpage.

Of course, I've received emails with the exact same text from other people, like a guy from Victorville, CA, and a man from Dallas (Cedar Hill), Texas. Despite the replicated text, each email seems to offer a different sure and rapid fire plan to rake in the big bucks.

Despite sending the e-cards to a couple of these folks, I received no reply. Imagine that.

It's disappointing that we as American are so obsessed with finding the fastest and sketchiest path to success.

Ed. note: This post has been edited from its original version to remove the individual's name and webpage.

I has a mouse!

2007-12-22T20:52:00.000-07:00

EDITOR'S NOTE: This video contains some rather graphic footage. If you're not good with watching little fuzzy animals die, then do yourself a favor and don't watch. But otherwise, you may think this is pretty neat.

This summer I had the good fortune to watch my Aunt and Uncle's cat play with, kill, and eat a mouse. And I had the further good fortune to catch it on tape.

You may think it's kind of gross (cuz, well, it is), but it's also pretty fascinating.

Look (and listen) for the distinct cast members:

Madison: a pretty kitty with a serious appetite
The Mouse: pretty much doomed by the time this film begins
CJ: a documentarian there only to "capture the story"
Jackie: wants to see blood
Becky: pities the mouse
John: at once repulsed by and attracted to the events as they unfold

The mouse totally got pwned.

Check out this sexist attitude

2007-12-22T17:03:00.000-07:00

The following is being written for two reasons: 1) The event I'm about to describe bothered me and 2) It's proof that girls can be sexist too (to call it "reverse sexism" or something catchy like that would be overkill"). I'll keep it as brief as possible. The photos were not taken by me and are not of the Wal-Mart I visited.

I went to Wal-Mart today to do some last-minute Christmas shopping. As you, me, and my mother would have predicted, three days before the big day, the place was a madhouse. Not "I'll kill you for that Tickle-Me-Elmo" crazy, but like "No parking places available" crazy.

I went in with a list of a few things, and headed to the checkout line having found only one. It wasn't a big problem, but it made for one pretty barren shopping cart.

Unfortunately, the "Express Checkout" line was shut down. On top of that, for whatever reason, I have a deeply-seeded phobia of the self-checkout kiosks (only half kidding). So, I picked my poison and settled in to wait behind a couple folks with baskets loaded to the brim.

About halfway through the line, much to my chagrin, the "Express Lane" opened. As I had already waited for a while, I decided to stick it out. That probably was a bad decision.

Anyway, after waiting in line for a total of about 10 or 15 minutes, I was next. At that point, a couple of women behind me noticed I had only one item. Understandably, they thought me crazy for waiting in one of the long lines. I embarrassedly explained that by the time I realized the error of my ways, it didn't seem worth changing lanes.

Right after that, it was my turn to give the corporate world some cash. Immediately, the female checker, probably in her early 40s, made the same observation as the women behind me - it would have been a lot faster to get in a different lane.

Sympathetically, the two ladies behind restated my case on my behalf, explaining to the checker that I had realized my mistake "late in the game" as it were. The checker was unimpressed with my decision to stay the course.

"That's a man for you," she said.

The checker then playfully hid her face behind her hands and grinned kinda impishly - as if she had just said something mischievous. I had tried to keep a rueful smile on my face, but at that point, I think it must have soured a bit.

The cashier's comment was slightly obnoxious - enough to warp my grin - but it wasn't a big deal. A little ribbing never hurt anyone.

And then, still covering her face with her fingers, she opened her mouth again:

"Don't hit me!" she said, mockingly.

Now, I know violence against women is a very serious problem. It's not something that ever happened in my home, but I know it exists at a pathetic rate in our country and world. And I know that most mixed-genders confrontations involve abusive men - not women.

But that being said, the majority of men do not physically harm women; I am in that majority.

Perhaps the checker was abused as a daughter or wife or has seen her friends struggle with abusive relationships. Perhaps she was worn out from the hectic workday.

Regardless, to assume me violent because I'm male is not fair. Maybe I took her comment the wrong way, but I don't know how else I was supposed to take it.

A middle-class white guy like myself has very little to gripe about in terms of discrimination, but no one deserves that kind of prejudicial crap.

Get behind me, Santa!

2007-12-18T02:03:00.000-07:00

How my visions of sugarplums have soured.

It was bad enough learning that Santa Claus isn't a real person.

It was worse learning last year that Santa was a stupid chatterbot on MSN Messenger.
It was worse still to learn this year that Santa was actually a stupid perverted chatterbot on MSN Messenger. True story:

Microsoft shuts down Santa for talking dirty

But my most recent discovery is by far the worst one yet.

Did you know that Santa is actually working to subvert the true meaning of Christmas?

Ask yourself:
Who has white hair and a white beard?
Who wears attire made of red?
Who is helped by mystical creatures?
Who wants people to be good so they can get good stuff?

Jesus. That's who.

I recently got my hands on the 28 point comparison chart at left. It explains how Santa is trying to co-opt God (click it for a readable view).**

If you want a more in-depth analysis, check out this webpage wholly exposing Santa for who he really is.

Simply put, it's no coincidence that Santa is only one letter-swap away from Satan.

Of course, if we get away from the frenzied holiday shopping and consumerism that's come to typify our American Christmases, we'll probably kill our economy.

So the people calling for a return to our supposed "Christian Christmas roots" are probably disguised Communists seeking our downfall. And we all know how Godless those pinkos are.

Honestly, I always figured Santa must be one of those environmental liberal freaks - I mean who else thinks getting valuable, refinable energy is a bad thing? But I never pegged him as a Lucifer lackey.

I guess I shouldn't be so discriminating in my hasty and over-broad generalizations.

*No, I did not make the chart. Yes, it is for real. And no, if you hadn't already guessed, I don't put much stock in it. About the only message I'm seeking to get across is that anything can be twisted. For example, did you know "Holy Bible" is an anagram of "Bio by Hell?"
Post title lifted from Sufjan Steven's outstanding Christmas collection.

Love the spam. Hate the spammers.

2007-12-17T02:25:00.000-07:00

So I got an unsolicited email from a guy who asked me a series of questions.

Date: Wed, 28 Nov 2007 09:04:48 +0200
From: x2sender_21@ccsfl.net
Reply to: John Kottelenberg (john.kottelenberg@cogeco.net)
To: ------@hotmail.com
Subject: Will You Answer

Mister,

How many times have you started something and never finished?

How often have you searched for the perfect solution and have yet to find it?

Are you looking for something simple, yet challenging?

Can You follow someone else's steps to success?

Do You believe your health can drive your life?

We are putting out the call for those whom want to be on the ground floor of a phenomenal opportunity.

Will You Answer?

The email then closed with some links. From what I gather, he was asking me to be a sales rep for some new health drink called Zrii (the somewhat shady-looking page he linked to is found here).

I was tempted to reply "None of your business,"* but instead I decided to humor** the guy and reply as follows:

Mr. Kottelenberg,

Below please find the responses to your questions. I hope they are what you were looking for.

How many times have you started something and never finished?

I'm usually pretty good about

How often have you searched for the perfect solution and have yet to find it?

Many times I have sought the ultimate grammatically correct sentence and came up empty.

Are you looking for something simple, yet challenging?

It would be more accurate to say I'm looking for something easy, yet hard.

Can You follow someone else's steps to success?

Yes. Succeeders are often succeeded by others.

Do You believe your health can drive your life?

No. I believe your health should run your life. Driving is for fat, lazy, obese people.

If my answers aid you in your quest or are wholly unsatisfactory, please do not hesitate to reply.

Warm regards,
Mister

Regrettably, though the deluge of unwanted mail continues, I have received no response from Mr. Kottelenberg. What a shame.

Incidentally, if you want to how these guys are able to send out so many emails and respond, etc., check out the service this guy apparently uses: abundantresponse.com.

What a screwed-up industry.

*HA! It's a clever pun, get it?
**HA HA! Another clever pun!

Chicks dig danger...

2007-12-12T02:56:00.000-07:00

or the deluxe chicken splatter with scrambled legs?
Egged on by his friends to play chicken with the edge, Charlie got a little too wound up. Fortunately, authorities had suspected fowl play was afoot, and they were ready for him.

Slaunchcast Episode 2.0: Dr. Seuss

2007-12-11T03:42:00.001-07:00

As you can see from the image pictured at left, iTunes has apparently suggested that the works of Dr. Seuss can be abridged.

This Slaunchways podcast was created to examine if "Seuss abridgment" is actually possible.

The results? Shocking.

Some reading that might enhance your enjoyment of this podcast:

The 500 Hats of Bartholomex Cubbins
Green Eggs and Ham
The Lorax
The Places You'll Go

Episode 2.0: Dr. Seuss, abridged?!

Runtime is about 13:30. If you can't see the nifty flash player above this sentence, then get the MP3 here.

UPDATE: The "Brand Name It" contest contained within the podcast was solved at 9:09 am by Nate Dawg. Congrats!

His Seuss selection:

Well, after giving it loads of thought (pretty much my entire afternoon was spent making this decision), I think that Dr. Seuss's masterpiece "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" would make a fine addition to my hefty collection of audio children's literature. The basis for this decision was threefold:

O.F.T.F.R.F.B.F. (the abbr. version) has been described as "a book with a freewheeling plot about a boy and a girl, and the many amazing creatures they have for friends and pets." (Wikipedia)
I feel that I can connect with Ned, one of the main characters, who, because of his elongated nature, finds himself in an uncomfortable position while attempting to sleep. He is also both physically and emotionally distraught with the comings and goings of various mammals, like I am, with all of the drunkards living around me.
I've always wanted a seven hump Wump...
So there you go.

If you enjoy the Slaunchcast and want to subscribe in iTunes...well, what are you waiting for?

If you want to subscribe using a different podcast aggregator, this is my Slaunchcast feed.

Previously:
Episode 1.0.

Credits:
Dr. Seuss; Kevin MacLeod - Olde Timey, An Upsetting Theme, Eyes Gone Wrong, Professor and the Plant, Heartwarming, Golly Gee; Hemlock Gorge Boys - Sweet Child O' Mine; Harold Rodriguez - Harpsichord; Tina E. Andrus - Root Road August Morning Flute; Archive.org for hosting the audio; Odeo.com for the above flash player

A seaquel in the making

2007-12-08T00:51:00.001-07:00

Have you seen this headline on MSNBC?

Singing Might Help Whales Find Themselves

I can see the direct-to-DVD release now...
Title: Free Willy 4: The Return*

Synopsis: Fourteen years have passed since Willy made his daring escape from the Northwest Adventure theme park. But all is not whale. Despite his freedom, Willy the killer whale feels blue and out of place.

Then, one spring day, he discovers a ray of hope - music. Singing makes Willy feel like he has a porpoise in life. But his fellow orcas aren't fans of his coral arrangements, and the pod casts Willy out into the ocean on his own. Alone and hungry, Willy seas he must return to show business - even if it's no shore bet he'll net a recording contract.

But Willy's hook-laced songs quickly earn him large groupers of fans. Willy soon hires an agent, who tells him that adopting a twangy Mississippi Sound will greatly increase his sea star power. But crabby critics are knot supportive and a sail Willy's new style - krilling him in their reviews.

"He's 20,000 leagues out of his league," says one.

"Thanks to Willy's whaling, I think I've suffered a loss of herring," says another. "He can't carry a tuna in a bucket."

Willy is faced with tough questions: was his early fame only a fluke? Has his career jumped the shark? Is he at "el fin" of his days in entertainment? Or will his friendships come in to save him before it's too late?

Watch with baited breath as America's favorite killer whale tries to keep his rising tide of naysayers at bay. Willy's quest to emerge from his shell of self-trout and sing will make you eel good inside.**

*Rejected title: Free Willy 4: Yes, there actually were three before this one.
**Can you find all 31 puns/sea allusions in the synopsis?
Photo credits: Stefan Powell - the orca; Jon Bragg - the crowd; Tammy Lo - the mic stand. And speaking of Free Willy and images, while searching for pics to use for the poster, I ran across this one on Flickr: very awesome.

Rethinking "The Chronicles of Narnia"

2007-11-12T00:43:00.000-07:00

I have to ask - what would Disney's take on The Chronicles of Narnia have looked like if they had used animation instead of live action?

As best I can figure:
A pointless effort? Yeah, probably.

Disclaimer: I pretty much own none of the rights to the images used in my above compilation. They belong to Disney.

Holy carp!

2007-11-12T00:28:00.000-07:00

Question: How bad can web spelling get?
Answer: OMG.

Edited together from Yahoo! Answers (read the atrossaty here):
So I'm curious: when you raise the American flag, are you participating in a political pole? Either way, I can tell you I have no interest in getting poled. It sounds about as awesome as getting shafted.

Blech.

Are your bases covered?

2007-11-06T02:05:00.001-07:00

If you haven't heard, superstar shortstop Alex Rodriguez, formerly of the New York Yankees, is seeking a contract in the ballpark of $350 million dollars. Which makes his previous $270 million dollar deal look like a bargain.

Yes - it's insane.

But to me, he'll always be that rather scary-looking* little boy selling life insurance online.

Actually, I'm pretty certain that's not really him pictured in the ad at left,** but I still say the similarities are unnerving.

*I think we've all seen those insurance commercials where the cute little kids ask, "What would happen to your family if you died?" But honestly, if I heard this little dude ask that question, I think I'd take it as a threat.
**Click the ad for a larger view.

Also try our Orangey Worange fruit medley!

2007-11-06T01:26:00.000-07:00

Odds are, this is available at a Safeway near you:
Honestly, with a solid, extremely masculine brand name like Mann's, can you really get away with a sissified baby name like "Broccoli Wokly?" In reference to a vegetable known to the medical world as "THE LEAN, GREEN, ANTI-CANCER MACHINE?!

Please.

You can't escape Satan's Bonds!*

2007-11-02T00:24:00.000-06:00

A while back, fashion designer Marc Ecko decided to put the fate of Barry Bond's 756th home run ball in the hands of the American public.

In recognition of the controversy surrounding Bonds, Ecko set up a website where folks could vote what to with the slugger's record-breaking ball: blast it into space, give it to Baseball's Hall of Fame, or brand it with an asterisk, then give it to the Hall of Fame. Ultimately, a 47% plurality voted to brand it.

Ole Barry isn't a fan of the whole thing and yesterday announced that if the Hall of Fame accepts the asterisked ball, he will refuse to be inducted into the Hall of Fame (assuming he's eventually voted in).

I've found the whole thing to be fairly hilarious. But while I was searching for an article about Bonds' new declaration, I ran into this:
Apparently, the peeps at Google have taken their "Don't be evil" mantra to a whole new level - especially since "bonds would opt out of hell" returns 62,300 fewer hits than "bonds would opt out of hall."

But then again, you have to ask: just how many of those Bond hits are legitimate?

*He's already in one prestigious circle with Dante, why not another? ...ok, so that's a real stretch, but I had to work an asterisk in there somehow.

Rockies bet turns rocky for Steve

2007-10-29T23:08:00.001-06:00

As I mentioned previously, there was a lot riding on the World Series. The governor of Massachusetts had wagered a whole crabload of lobster and New England folk had about $15 million worth of furniture on the line.

But after my Boston Red Sox cut down the Colorado Rockies with some razor-sharp baseball, it was my roommate Steve who may have lost the most. At least in the facial hair department.

As promised, Steve lopped off half his beard and sported it in public today. As you might surmise from the above shot, it honestly wasn't all that noticeable of a change. I guess blonds just have all the luck. And dark-haired folk like myself get all the world championships.

I'll take it.

Facial Hair Face Off

2007-10-24T18:32:00.000-06:00

Game one of the World Series is mere minutes away from starting - and for myself, there's a lot on the line.

If you didn't know it, my beloved Red Sox are set to battle the favs from my neck of the woods, the Colorado Rockies. The Rox have improbably won 21 of their last 22 games (!!!) and I'll admit that I've been pulling for them up until now. But tonight it's no more Mr. Nice Guy.

Headlines have been made in recent days by heavy betting taking place between Massachusetts and Colorado officials. However, my roommate Steve and I have a far bigger and more significant bet going.

Both of us have been growing some serious playoff good-luck beards since the beginning of September - mine for the Red Sox and Steve's for his Rockies. And they've served us well up to this point.* So we've done the only logical thing possible: we put our scruff on the bargaining table: if the Rox win, I have to shave half my beard,** and if my Sox win, Steve has to shave half of his. And yes, as part of the deal, the loser will have to appear in public half-shaven.

The stakes are high.

(me)

(steve)

A Rockies victory? Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin.

*Don't believe the beards helped our teams? Consider this: our other roommate Jim, a Cubs fan, refused to grow a beard, and look how that worked out.
**As per our agreement, the "half" must be shaven from one side of the face, a la Harvey Dent.

Wham goes the loss of hearing!

2007-10-23T01:38:00.000-06:00

A video I (finally) threw together asking who should be embarrassed in the whole "Boom Goes the Dynamite" affair.*

Sources:
The original video
If you haven't seen it in its entirety, you must.

CBS Wrap-up of their interview with Brian Collins
The video of the interview should be clearly visible. So should the goof-ups. Seriously, confusing Mario Kart for "Mario cards" creates a totally different connotation. That and shame on CBS for not knowing that "Mario Cards" isn't actually a game.

*Apologies for the technical glitch at 2:22. I have no idea why the video compressor jacked up my still of Mario Kart 64. It should be on-screen for about 4 seconds, but something went wrong while shrinking the file. Ah well. In case you were wondering, the folks playing Kart were not acting for the camera. Seriously.

Putting our nation's grass to good use

2007-10-15T01:52:00.000-06:00

Honestly, I think this is the first time I've ever seen someone ask people to save the planet by sitting on their butts.

(click to enlarge)

Talk about a terrific excuse for being lazy.

"Mom, I'm sorry, but I just can't mow the lawn. It's for your own good."

In case you're wondering, yes, the guy appears pretty serious. In addition to having a backyard that looks pretty much the same as the front, he also has a couple signs in his windows that read: "Not to sale to UW at any price. Ever." The property is located right across the street from campus.

UPDATE: Weeks after I posted this, I think I ran into the guy lives on this property. We've never met, and I don't think he knows I photographed his lawn (let alone blogged about it), but on this day - without so much as a "Hi" or "Hello" - he said, rather gruffly, "They won't be driving those gas guzzlers around for long now will they?"

Just, out of the blue. Just like that.

We were crossing paths in a parking lot right across the street from the house that had some likely gas guzzlers parked there, but the lot was mostly empty and there wasn't really anyone else in sight, driving or otherwise.

Then we carried on our merry ways. Of course, it may have been someone else entirely than the guy who lives at the house. But somehow, I doubt it.

There's goes some dough, boys

2007-10-08T01:37:00.000-06:00

My roommates and I were a bit dismayed to find the below when we opened the cupboard yesterday morning.I guess we should have taken the Doughboy out for a walk before shutting him in for the night.

Or maybe ole Jif just poked his stomach a little too hard.

Why I won't see Saw 4 fun

2007-10-04T01:06:00.000-06:00

Editor's Note: This is probably only funny to myself, but hey, isn't that pretty much par for the slaunchcourse? (HA! Get it? Slaunchcourse!!! ...Hello?)

Here's one of the movie poster for Saw IV (one of the movies I will not be watching this year):As soon as I, uh, "saw" it, I knew what needed to be done:If you don't get the above, don't worry, it's an incredibly sophisticated* Internet joke. Actually, in a nutshell, it's an Internet Meme where people take Admiral Ackbar's famous "It's a trap" line from Star Wars and use it with everything. If that's not clear enough for you, look at this, this, or as a last resort, this.**

If you need more conclusive proof I'm not crazy, look at this image I stumbled across when searching for Ackbar information. Soundly beaten to it by a long shot.

Ah well.

*Read: cliched.
**Fair warning: Have your browser's*** "back" button ready.
***For whatever reason, Firefox doesn't display the link right.

The cost of price wars

2007-09-27T01:37:00.000-06:00

In case you haven't heard, house prices in Jackson, Wyoming* have gone through the roof - even single-story roofs.

A smallish condo will run you about $500,000 and the average home is going for a median price of $1.2 million dollars. How crazy is that?

To prove the above is not entirely a rhetorical question, consider the following: if you were to pony up an additional $300,000 (only 25% more!), you could buy an 57-acre underground missile base.

Yes, I'm serious.

Schematics of the place:
While the BBC story on the thing (if you didn't click the link earlier, here's another opportunity) gives the missile base seller some credibility, it's certainly baffling that the guy has only a Yahoo! Mail account for email correspondence. That and he isn't letting anyone see the place until after they've purchased it...

However, you might get a rough idea of what it looks like from this nifty tour of what's probably a similar facility.

Originally spied on BoingBoing.
*Part of Wyoming in name only.

Raising a racquet

2007-09-17T13:34:00.000-06:00

From U.W. athletics (found here):

-INSERT CLICHED COMMENT ABOUT "LOVE" HERE-

And in case you were wondering, yes, there was a separate (but equal) "Brown Singles" division too.* And yes, it is a valid question to ask if relationship status would have been provided if it were a men's tournament.

*Full disclosure: Also Gold Singles.
P.S. Congrats to Michelle. When she becomes famous, I hope she'll remember we once had a class together and score me some U.S. Open tickets and introduce me to Maria Sharapova.

Beta Epsilon Epsilon Rho

2007-09-17T01:29:00.000-06:00

Saw this sucker on Yahoo! News:
My question is: what's the big deal? Everyone knows that if you throw fraternity boys a good alcohol-fueled bash, they'll go for anything.

Don't believe me? Just ask former U.S. Representative John Sweeney. Why else do you think he was fraternizing with Union College frat boys in April of 2006?

P.S. I love how in that link about Greek systems under "Things to Know About Frat Parties" it says, "Ladies: Bring friends (there's safety in numbers!)." I need to remember that one.
P.S.S. Click the headline pictured above (or here) to read the actual story.

Grumble Pie

2007-09-12T00:13:00.000-06:00

I think I need to make an apology.

You may recall that last April, I poked a little fun at a flyer announcing the arrival of a "distinguised" speaker at my university.

I received a similar flyer today (pictured at left), and believe it or not, the spelling was again "distinguised" rather than "distinguished." After haughtily snorting in disgust, I decided to give the political science folks a bit of credit.

Some rudimentary Googling later, it appears I was too hasty in my self-righteous snickering.

Sure, all the dictionaries I rely on list only "distinguished" as a real word, and Yahoo is like, "Dude, we're pretty sure you actually meant 'distinguished'," but a look at the search results shows other academic institutions (some of them pretty distinguished themselves) use the term too. And seriously - can 100,000 Google hits all be wrong?!*

I'm not fully convinced it's a real and interchangeable alternative, but hey, if the British can get away with spelling things souper crazy, then why not let a missing "h" slide in our hallowed halls of academia?**

So if you need me, I'll be here in the corner wearing a pretty distinguised-looking dunce cap.

*Answer: Goodness gracious yes.
**Answer: Because pretty soon computer geeks will think it's perfectly OK when they spell absolutely everything wrong.

Desperately desolate

2007-09-09T01:09:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure how many of you have been to Casper, Wyoming.

It's not a very happening joint, to say the least. Sure, it's the second-most populated town in Wyoming, but as everybody knows, that's not saying much (just under 50,000 folks). If that weren't enough of a killjoy, it's also the birthplace of Dick Cheney. Booooring!

So perhaps you can understand why Casper's (fairly) recent campaign to call itself, "THE ADVENTURE CAPITAL OF WYOMING!" (logo pictured at left) slays me every time I see it. You folks who've been to Casper are already snickering. For those of you who haven't, just look at this aerial shot of the place.

To be frank, I'd say "adventure capital" goes far enough overboard that disenchanted visitors might have a compelling "false advertising" complaint.

And that's why I've put together a more accurate image that still captures the essence of Casper, but without being dishonest. Call me crazy, but it's my attempt to make advertising a little more truthful - even if it is less exciting.
Nothing misleading there.

The downside, of course, is they'd have to lose a pretty good-looking website.

Image credits:
Casper
Ghost town (actually in MT)

P.S. If you watched the Casper promo video, did you catch the "good" typo? About 30 seconds in, the text reads "See the sites" rather than "sights." While that may not be the meaning intended, Casper does have historic sites in the area. Coupled with the old-timey image of the horse-drawn wagon, the "see the sites" reference may be passable.
P.S.S. Can you believe it's been three years since I started this thing? Phew.

Targeting Customers

2007-09-05T13:25:00.001-06:00

Typically, I'm a big fan of Target, but a month or so back, they ran the creepiest ad ever. I still have residual willies.

Take a look.
Now I'm sure that in real life the people in the advertisement are actually kind, fun, and good-hearted folks, but am I the only one thinking that in this shot, their facial expressions reek of demonic possession or something? Maybe it's just fake smiles gone wrong, but seriously - they give me a super eerie vibe.

If you aren't detecting their ominous aura, perhaps my captioned version will help you see the light. Or I guess in this case, I guess technically speaking, the darkness. As always, click for a larger view.

"Just wait till you see what we have 'IN STORE' for you!!!"

Heck, I almost fear for my safety posting this.

I may be all alone on this one, but keep in mind this is the same company who wants to tuck you in at night. Seriously.

Lovesick

2007-08-30T01:11:00.000-06:00

Sloppy syntax springs eternal
Graffiti spied at a Boston subway station. They could have least included an apostrophe. An "=" sign would have been helpful too.

It makes me wonder why ruralites aren't prosecuted for carving similar professions of love on trees far better looking than any concrete slab.

Remember: by marring a piece of granite, pioneers turned a rather nondescript rock into a site worthy of preservation. Somehow, I don't think RBNQ's equation will reach that level of appreciation. When you think about it, Independence Rock is probably about the only success story in the history of public defacement.

Slaunchcast Episode 1.0

2007-08-13T00:36:00.000-06:00

An experiment. Feedback greatly appreciated. Especially that of the positive variety.

Episode 1.0: NASA's terrible 2007

If you can't see the player right above this sentence, try getting the file here.

Sources:
"Houston we've had a problem"
Why America's Future Depends on Space (online title differs from print edition)
Hitchhiker's Guide to an Asteroid
Report: Drunken astronauts allowed on shuttle
Lawyer: Ex-astronaut didn't wear diaper
NASA will land at Wyoming State Fair
Pucker Brush, WY: Nick

Music:
The Hemlock Gorge Boys
Kevin MacLeod

Infrastructure:
Internet Archive (for hosting)
Odeo (for the sweet flash audio player above)

Readying for a second chance

2007-08-08T23:18:00.001-06:00

The iron bars of ironyFull of folks who at one time or another probably left the highway for the low way.

Time to curb the drinking...

2007-08-01T21:22:00.000-06:00

Police reports can be interesting. Especially when they include stuff like this:

I'll be honest - it took me a minute to figure out the sentence's actual intent (which I believe is "Subject attacked in the vicinity of a curb"). But I mean, can't you see some drunk slurring, "I didn't fall - the curb hit me!"?

I understand report verbiage is low on the law enforcement priority list, but I shudder to think of the precedent that could develop.

For example, what if the incident had occurred in a backyard?
SUBJECT ASSAULTED BY GARDEN GNOMES?

While shopping for a vehicle?
SUBJECT HARASSED BY USED CAR DEALERSHIP?

A restaurant?
SUBJECT DETAINED BY DUMB-WAITER?

Maybe it's just me, but it seems like a crisis waiting to happen.

P.S. If you haven't been checking out the links on the right-hand side under the heading "In other news," you're probably missing out.

Of Hares and Hairs

2007-07-26T22:46:00.000-06:00

I don't know if any of you have watched Miss Potter. It's a charming film based on the life of children's author Beatrix Potter - probably most famous for her tale of Peter Rabbit.

But this post isn't here to offer mindless compliments. This post is here to get to the bottom of something.

Namely, to get to the bottom of Ewan McGregor's face.

Seriously.

Below is the DVD cover of the movie:As you can see, McGregor (playing Norman Warne) is completely clean-shaven. That's all well and good, but the fact of the matter is that (to my memory) he never appears in the film mustacheless.

Furtherly, upper lip hair appears in all the movie stills I've seen online. For example:
So why go through the effort making the DVD packaging and official website artificially 'stache-free? I mean, it isn't like it was a fake one.

Maybe the publicity folks were going for an anti-Abe effect or something. After all, the consensus these days seems to be women generally aren't all that into facial hair.

Then again, maybe they just forgot to take the promo pics until after McGregor shaved.

Disclosure: The author of this post currently dons a beard.

What happens in Reno, Stays in Reno

2007-07-24T23:48:00.000-06:00

Preoccupied: Hotel room and cleaning ladyKid you not: the scene from a hotel bathroom in a Reno casino. Fortunately, it easily came off the ceiling when grabbed with a large protective wad of toilet paper. Because there was no way I was taking a shower with that stuff hanging over my head. I would ask how it got up there in the first place, but some questions are honestly better left unasked.

Blech.

Got a caption of your own? Let's hear it!

Politically speaking, that's uncorrect

2007-07-17T21:35:00.001-06:00

The following excerpts are taken from Public Relations: A Values-Driven Approach by David W. Guth and Charles Marsh.

These tips are found on page 315 under the heading "Writing for Diverse Publics: Tips for Inclusive Language."This selection is taken from the book's index on page 587.I would insert a sarcaustic rant here, but it would probably add nothing. So, no comment.

How's that for P.R. savvy?*

*Actually, Public Involvement Specialists prefer Public Involvement Specialist to Public Relations Manager or Spin Doctor.

Hoo boy - here comes Slaunchways!

2007-07-15T16:19:00.000-06:00

Re-welcome.

As you can tell, I have officially transferred from "Unknown Knowns and Other Ramblings" to "Slaunchways."

Why slaunchways? It means skewed, and I skew things and it's fun to say. And that's about all I feel like explaining.

unknownknowns.blogspot.com will now lead you here (as you probably already noticed), but if you could update any bookmarks and links you might have to www.slaunchways.com, it would be greatly appreciated.

I would post some pictures of the various logos I went through before I got to the current design, but inevitably someone would like one of the other ones better and I would just get annoyed. So maybe I'll post those another time.

Anyway, hope ya'll like the new appearance.

What say you?
	The similarities are striking
	CJ's striking out on this one
	Your mom looks like A-Rod