Thursday, April 12, 2007

A Criminal Unmasked

This is very hard to say, but I need to apologize to you all.

I know that on a daily basis, many you of you receive massive quantities of unsolicited and wholly unwelcome spam in your email inboxes. It has recently come to my attention that I am the one responsible for much of this tide of obnoxious offers. Words cannot express how sorry I am for unleashing this ravenous beast upon you. Certainly, an explanation is the least I can offer.

A few days, ago I received the following piece of spam in my inbox. Take a look:
At first glance, it may appear to be just another contemptible piece of junk mail. But if you haven't already, take a closer look at the To:/From: header.
The evidence is pretty damning.

I am not positive how this has happened, but I believe that unbeknowest to my conscious self, I have a secret, deeply-buried subconscious alter-ego; an alter-ego that is a horny, semi-illiterate, Ph.D.-weilding Canadian. I have no idea how or when this abhorrent character rises to the surface, which scares me all the more. In fact, even more frightening, I don't even remember sending an email entitled "MedHelp 76897419898" to myself. Perhaps it was an act by my sub-subconscious to shake me into getting some help. I certainly need it, and I plan to seek it in the very near future.

As I embark on this journey to wellness, I hope you can find it in your hearts to support me as I try to understand why I would I do this and how I can better control my doppelganger.** I know it will be hard to do so after all I've done to you all, but I truly hope that you can forgive me for my actions.

I meant no harm.

While encourging coments are apreciated, if you really want to help me get better, please sign up for my emailling list, eh? Without a doubt, it will be a long and difficult road to recovery.

*Soma's a real drug?! Are you fricking serious?! Answer: Yes.
**I mean, at the very least he could send out unsolicited ads for this blog instead of pharmaceuticals...


Anonymous said...

Dear Doctor Lilly,
Well, at least you have now revealed your true identity. Coming to grips with reality is your first step to recovery.
Best wishes,
Fan club member #76897419898

Anonymous said...

Your support is appreciated in more ways than I can express.

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

You dastardly spammer, this means war.