I know that on a daily basis, many you of you receive massive quantities of unsolicited and wholly unwelcome spam in your email inboxes. It has recently come to my attention that I am the one responsible for much of this tide of obnoxious offers. Words cannot express how sorry I am for unleashing this ravenous beast upon you. Certainly, an explanation is the least I can offer.
A few days, ago I received the following piece of spam in my inbox. Take a look:
I am not positive how this has happened, but I believe that unbeknowest to my conscious self, I have a secret, deeply-buried subconscious alter-ego; an alter-ego that is a horny, semi-illiterate, Ph.D.-weilding Canadian. I have no idea how or when this abhorrent character rises to the surface, which scares me all the more. In fact, even more frightening, I don't even remember sending an email entitled "MedHelp 76897419898" to myself. Perhaps it was an act by my sub-subconscious to shake me into getting some help. I certainly need it, and I plan to seek it in the very near future.
As I embark on this journey to wellness, I hope you can find it in your hearts to support me as I try to understand why I would I do this and how I can better control my doppelganger.** I know it will be hard to do so after all I've done to you all, but I truly hope that you can forgive me for my actions.
I meant no harm.
*Soma's a real drug?! Are you fricking serious?! Answer: Yes.
**I mean, at the very least he could send out unsolicited ads for this blog instead of pharmaceuticals...