Thursday, February 09, 2006

Some sick stuff

While I'm waiting expectorantly for a cold to blow over, ponder this headline emailed to me by my excellent barber Carol...

Rhymes' Bodyguard Dies Outside Video Shoot
As she so sagely observed, "What do you expect at a shoot??"

Police weren't sure what led to the murder of Busta Rhymes bodyguard Israel Ramirez, but I'm pretty certain that with that first name either Hamas or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is going to claim responsibility any day now.

Nothing like rap music.

I couldn't help but also notice another headline that was linked on the bottom of the Rhymes story:

Billionaire Buffett Will Appear in Child
I don't know about you, but here's three openings I considered the most likely to read when I clicked the link to the article:

1. After investing millions of dollars in ancient Hindu artifacts and spending countless hours poring over yellowed texts, billionaire Warren Buffett feels confident that when he dies, he will be reincarnated as a young child.

2. In the aftermath of Wednesday's chilling display of cannibalism, police say bite marks left at the scene of the crime depict Warren Buffett's killer as a child. Officers felt confident that the remains of the deceased billionaire would show up in the stomach of a young boy or girl. Local police are asking parents to bring all of their children aged 3-10 to their local hospital for tummy x-rays.

Editor's Note: If that had actually been the story, I would've been pretty sorely tempted to make some classless crack about a Buffett buffet. Fortunately, that wasn't the case.

3. Due to the horrific composition of this headline, the rest of the AP newswire will not be shown today.

I quite honestly don't know what the headline writer was thinking.

The NyQuil is about to kick in, so I'd better head to bed before I start doing some questionable thinking.

Editor's Note #2: I fear the Buffett headline may have changed or disappeared altogether by the time you read this, so I offer you irrefutable proof that the headline really did exist: click here. They probably should have just gone with the less confusing headline that's down at the bottom of the picture...

1 comment:

Carol said...

Thanks, CJ. Hope the cold has blown away.