Thursday, December 29, 2005

Conspiracy Theory Edition: A Brief Briefing

Are you one of the ignorant few that believe the U.S. actually landed on the moon? Then listen up and take notes while I present obvious conspiracies found in yesterday's news alone.

First, republicans have long known that the media is insanely liberally biased and hell-bent on destroying all the good things in life. Today, I have irrefutable proof that they were right. Just look at this:Now while I'm just as confused as you are as to how there can be a list of "top" junk mail, the more pressing item in "Odd News" section, is the inclusion of the article on President Bush. Apparently, those whack-job leftist hippies at Yahoo News and Reuters Oddly Enough feel that they can just go around badmouthing our beloved nation's own PRESIDENT as some illiterate who rarely cracks a book. What nerve. Yes, I quake in rage with thee, oh right-wingers - count me among your angered throng!

Bowling Grows As High School Varsity Sport
You see what this is, don't you? Sure, it looks like a cute innocent idea to get more kids involved in school activities, but really, this is just another devious attempt by those fascists on the left to thrust Michael Moore to a position of prominence. Don't you see that it's a feeble attempt to get "Bowling for Columbine"?!

SBA: Many That Got 9/11 Loans Weren't Hurt
In a program to help businesses after Sept. 11, a high percentage of government-backed loans went to recipients who appeared to be unqualified and— some of them unaware they were receiving terrorism-recovery money, investigators report.

I might not know everything, but I sure do know that something is seriously wrong; I believe this might be the first truly bi-partisan political policy I've ever seen. Think about it - you've got a piece of legislation that not only blindly combats terrorism but also wastes money like crazy! Gee! The best of both worlds!

I don't trust it.

NSA Web Site Plants 'Cookies' on Computers
"Considering the surveillance power the NSA has, cookies are not exactly a major concern," said Ari Schwartz, associate director at the Center for Democracy and Technology, a privacy advocacy group in Washington, D.C.

HA! That's what you think. If you shrug off the violation of Keebler elves' rights today, tomorrow the NSA'll be breaking down your door. Remember, if you give a louse a cookie...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Give a louse a cookie: just the start of many more postings to come...
Don't forget the sequels:
...if you take a louse to the movies
...if you take a louse to school
Then think what you can do with the pig...

Steven said...

Visiting your site with my brand new edition. It's quite nice. Thought I'd click on your Get Firefox link since I need to install that. Ah the luxury and NO more terrible graphics!!!! WHOO HOO! Which brings up another point. I think you need to lighten the newspaper up. It's too brown.

Steven said...

The site looks much better now that the paper isn't brown.
I've been updating my computer all day. I'm finally ready to get Firefox. Phew... I traded in my laptop after calling Sony again about the terrible graphics and they said that I could send it in for a refurbished computer and would pay any difference. So I traded that in for a desktop, a Sony VAIO RB52 and it is the bomb.