Monday, November 14, 2005

Dropping Names and Going Out Like a Lyon

Rice Praises Israeli Leader, Slam Hamas
Ok, this headline either has to be reworked with an 's' after 'slam', or else they're going to have a bunch of people going around thinking that the leader of Israel is seriously named 'Slam Hamas'. I mean, it does sound kind of foreignish.

Bush May Receive Warmer Welcome in Asia
Of course, the media doesn't show you the full "Kim Jong-il" version of this headline:

"Bush may receive warmer welcome in Asia...
NOW THAT BIRD FLU'S HERE!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!"

Uneasy calm returns to French cities, meetings banned in Lyon
While French authorities celebrated the restore of order, U.S. officials expressed fear and trepidation. One high-ranking individual worried that these recent events would deal severe damage to the American economy.

"Think about the repercussions. Immigration will skyrocket, and that's not even the worst of it! With meetings banned," he said in a hushed voice, "Just imagine what this will do to outsourcing! In all seriousness, who doesn't want a world without meetings?"

Telescope sees 'Mountains of Creation'
Is that legal!?

Japan Loses Contact With Asteroid Lander
While Japan was saddened by the news, the U.S. took the news the worst. As one unnamed government official pointed out, "This event has proven once and for all that Japan is clearly a legitimate contender in the ongoing space race. This accident clearly demonstrates that they are ready to compete with NASA."

'Major Lull' in France Rioting
This one confused me for a bit. With France's infamous military record, I was thinking that 'Major Lull' must be a distinguished French officer. My bad.

Talabani sees UK troop withdrawal in 2006
This guy seriously needs to change his name, because:

1) 'Talabani' sounds an awful lot like the feminine form of 'Taliban'.
2) In the context of this headline, 'Talabani' really comes across as some second-rate fortune teller.

Officials: Marsupial smuggled onto flight
Let me guess, someone stuck it in their carry-on 'pouch'?

And in conclusion, I really need to come up with a closing catchphrase like, "That's all folks", but that I didn't totally rip-off from a cartoon show.


*PLEASE NOTE:* CJ does not recommend visiting TeamAmerica.com nor watching the movie. He just liked the picture. Also, if anyone reports the 'Mountains of Creation' thing to the ACLU, you're no longer welcome on this site. Seriously. Unless you do it as a joke or something.

Oh, and you may notice the Google ads. No, I have not sold myself to the devil. At this point, it's more of an experiment than anything. If they're really bothering you, let me know.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Your french link totally had me fooled. awesome!