First off, I'd just like to thank Fox News for the classy ads on their front page.
Frenchman Wants to Play Women's Open
C'mon Jean, I mean, sure, you've got a first name that would be right at home on the Women's Tour, but does France really need any more bad p.r.?
LA County Urges Gays to Cut Back Smoking
I'll admit it - I was half-surprised the GOP didn't denounce the campaign. But I am still wondering what LA officials plan to call it. I suggest: "Join the flaming flame-out!"
Wal-Mart: Radio Tags Keep Shelves Stocked
Apparently the domineering super-chain has gained enough control of the American populace that customers are now willingly donning radio tags to instantaneously report their purchases to Wal-Mart. Privacy concerns? Fears of stockers stalking? A mere second thought for most, who, in return for their tags, are offered discounts on Wally's already low everyday prices!
Quarter of UK dogs are stressed out?
Yup, the hind-quarters.
Rosa Parks may 'lie in honor' at Capitol
It seems to me that while Mrs. Parks lies in honor at the Capitol, everyone else at the Capitol in any position of political honor just plain lies.
Bush Stung As Miers Withdraws Nomination
"Let's move on," said Sen. Trent Lott of Mississippi. "In a month, who will remember the name Harriet Miers?"
Well Trent, I'm still irked about your stupid remarks 35 months later...
Navy: Japan to open door to nuclear sub
Still doing that kamikaze thing I see...
Jackson Sunbathing Video Hits Internet
It took me a bit to figure out the gist of this one. At first, I blew it off as just another Halloween horror flick hitting the net in time for the October 31st festivities. Then I realized we were talking about Janet, not Michael. My bad.