Thursday, October 06, 2005

Dr. Strangeshirt or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and *Heart* the NY

Well, I suppose I should explain why I haven't posted. Just kidding. I won't. But allow me to offer a couple thoughts:

1) The other day I saw someone sporting one of those "I *heart* NY" t-shirts. Just in case you don't know what I'm talking about, it's this obnoxiously too popular fad:
After I managed to overcome my initial knee-jerk reaction of NY=Yankees=HATE, I began thinking about the possibilities of similar t-shirts for other states. However, after a great deal of thought, I came to the conclusion that most states simply aren't cut out for it.

The first state I considered was, of course, the commonwealth dead-set against the evil of Yankeeland - Massachusetts: home of the *World Champion* Boston Red Sox (and yes, I know I only have til about Friday to keep saying that). However, after some more thought, I realized this might not be such a great shirt after all.
Let's face it - wearing one of these would make you look like an sissified ignoramus. As much as I love my own mother, I couldn't wear a shirt like that in public (especially since my mother would most likely kill me for calling her "ma"). Can you imagine how wussy John Kerry woulda looked prancing around in one of those last November? Good grief.

So, I forgot Massachusetts and moved on to a state that also falls thoroughly within Red Sox Nation - Maine. I mean, it's a cool state - they've got lobsters and lighthouses and foliage and stuff. But soon I figure out that this one wouldn't work either.
Sure, America's capitalistic and individualistic and all that, but a Maine shirt would make Ayn Rand look like a communist. Seriously.

At that point, I decided it was time to scrap the whole New England thing. So, I decided to try out the state where wind comes sweeping down the plain. Yup. Oklahoma. They've got tornados, a dust bowl, Sooners, and...laters? Anyway, I thought they deserved a shot a landing a trendy T.
Again, the state came up short. The world might be embracing political correctness and that "No Child Left Behind" stuff, but I for one, can't stand for such an love of mediocrity. Next.

I figured another state that could benefit from a little *heart* love would be Alabama. They always get a bad rap for being no more than a bunch of ya'll-speakin', fried chicken-eatin' folk. So why not give Alabama some good publicity with a stylin' shirt?
Upon further review - not such a hot idea. This one would cause all kinds of confusion - especially for guys. Even with an attractive lady donning the garment we'd still have issues. Heck, every guy she ran into would be tripping over themselves, beltin' out, "You can call me Al!" Alabama wouldn't be much of a "sweet home" for a *heart* t-shirt.

Finally, I decided that it would be a sweet idea to try out my own state. I mean, Wy not? (Sorry) I mean, we've got cowboys, Yellowstone, traffic lights, and...um...a...state...capital? Anyway, I tried it out.
Well, while it doesn't look too bad, after a bit of introspection, I realized that, in reality, no one would have a clue what that even means ("That's a state? In the U.S.?!").

So, in conclusion, as much as I really dislike the whole NY thing, I guess compared to the other options, I guess it's not that bad of a deal.

2) Here's a quick headline I noticed this week that I couldn't pass up:

Dems Agree to Recommend Early Primaries
Don't be fooled by the headline - a truly bi-partisan U.S. is still years away. As one republican higher-up snorted when hearing the news, "What's actually worth noting is that whenever those primaries roll around, the democrats will have already recommended early primates."

And I'm done.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

With the size of the egos I've met the last year and a half, I'm sure that a I *heart* TX shirt would be a hit.

Anonymous said...

Oh, come on, your mother would *heart* for you to wear the MA shirt!

Steven said...

Why not just a shirt, I (Heart) US ? Then no state would be left out.

Actually, the real intention of the I (Heart) NY is not of the state but of the city. The design started out from that of an apple with love written on it. I love (Big Apple) NY. The red color and apple shape eventually evolved into just the heart.

SM said...

It's about time.

Amanda said...

your paint skillz are much better than mine. yay for a new post!!