Monday, May 16, 2005

I'm back...and I'm still confused

French to Protest Lost National Holiday
I'm a little sketchy on the details, but I think it was "National Whining Day" or something...

Both Sides Predict Win in Filibuster Fight
Yeah, in politics, this pretty much means that for the constituents (i.e. you and I) we all lose. However, I think that as long as this whole thing doesn't involve Florida, we'll be alright.

Sun, Microsoft Join Forces on ID Management
Many have accused Microsoft owner Bill Gates of acting as though the world revolved around him. Apparently this is not the case: Gates only works with the center of the galaxy.

L.A. Mayor Candidates Stress Public Safety
Wow. I wouldn't have seen this as a big issue. Did the incumbent advocate checking the street for traffic only once before crossing or something? Did a sudden rash of scissor-impaled persons press this issue to the forefront? I'm not too clear.

Critics want to snuff sweet smokes
Dang, Mr. Mosty would have a field day with this one, but I'll try to do it justice. Seriously, this headline seems to be sending some of the most mixed messages ever. First off, using "sweet" to describe the "smokes" seems to be promoting the cancer sticks' coolness, and secondly, why would you want to "snuff" out smoking? *Sigh* I can see the super-counterproductive campaign now: "Snuff out smoking with snuff." Just because this writer is grumpy about having to stand out in the cold and smoke because everyone hates smelling it doesn't mean he/she has to write stupid headlines.

*Upon reading this headline, Mr. Mosty commented that this title was probably written by some pyromaniac who wants all of our children and pets to spontaneously combust, and then rule the world under the name of Joe Camel. For obvious reasons, I didn't ask him to elaborate.

Official tells Indian side of Mt. Rushmore
Revealing a fact unbeknownst to most tourists, one government official spoke yesterday on the other side of Mt. Rushmore. According to the official, as reparations for shafting the Native American population out of the Black Hills, the U.S. Government decided to create a second set of sculptures celebrating the Native American way. The infrequently visited "back-side" of Mt. Rushmore features the faces of Sacagawea, Chief Joseph, Geronimo, and Mohandas Gandhi. Hey, they had to work an Indian in there somewhere.

Alcohol banned at Berkeley frat events
That's right. Berkeley frats are cleaning up their acts, and taking a hard-line stance: weed only at fraternity-sanctioned events.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

more good reasons *not* to go to Berkeley!