Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Awarding Stupidity?

First, some quick awards I've gotta give out before embarking on the 'full-fledged' commentary:

Obviously Not a United States Composed Headline Award:
China Warns Journalists Who Take Bribe

Most Likely to End Up as an X-Files Episode Award:
FDA orders killer hospital beds to be seized

Most unintentionally sexually suggestive headline:
Biggest Study of GMO Finds Impact on Birds, Bees
The birds and the bees? A study on "rapeseed?" That's just too weird for me.

And finally, the "No Flipping Duh" Prize goes to...
Document: Bin Laden Evaded U.S. Forces
You don't say.

Activists slam Canada on seal hunt
I don't care what you think of the guy, this is preposterous. Kiss From a Rose wasn't *that* bad.

Macintosh Hacker Attacks Are on the Rise -Symantec
Ok, so if hackers are working are working to thwart virus-stoppers efforts, does that make them anti-Symantec?

Giants' Bonds Blames Media for Troubles
Yes Barry, your knee problems and steroid use are clearly the media's fault. Good one. Just when I thought I'd heard the media blamed for everything...

Comedian Testifies in Jackson Trial
How unsurprisingly fitting.

Parker Bowles Doesn't Want to Be Queen
She has one awkward last name for a queen. Talk about a weird headline.

Church Tapped to Square Off Against Spidey
Apparently offended by Spidey's lack of commitment to MJ in the first two movies, the Church has decided to call for a complete boycott of the upcoming (upcoming: sometime in the next 5 years) Spiderman 3.

Apple Could See Near Doubling of Market Share
Berrying gloomy projections by raisin profits, pearing expenditures, and driving competitors bananas, Apple appears to be in firm control of the music industry. "This year's been a peach," said one Apple exec, "The kiwi believe has led to our success is avoiding plum investments and finding the grape ones. Our mango is to create a solid future for the company while stifling the competition. We cherry-ish any opportunity to tell our competitors to get in lime. Some executives in the cold winter months might be found sipping hot coco-nut us. We at Apple refuse to be lemons and simply follow everyone else." For more information, the executive urges interesting persons to sign up for the company's melon list.


Anonymous said...

Ap-pear-antly, you don't have enough homework, to be blogging at 2:45 a.m.!!
It's berry obvious you don't have 8:00 classes...

Anonymous said...

Looks like you've found your solution to hating Microsoft products...go bannanas for an Apple instead! (So I'm not as talented...loved the headline coverage) :-D

ManNMotion said...

Yeah, this one was kind of fruity...

Anonymous said...

Hey dude, where the heck are you?! Why no updates? Even selby here has updated. Heck, just pull a "I'm coming back after April 30th" update, and I'll be happy. My life depends on you posting regularly! This lack of blogging has made me rather sad. No more Mr. Mosty? No more witty takes on headlines? I shan't know what to do with myself. So, please, for the children, update you blog!

Steven said...

I needed to be enlightened by your headlines of idiocracy today, seems that they are quite out of date. I thought to myself is CJ dead? But that can't be because he was here just recently, he can't be dead...well...wait... OH MY Goodness! I know what happened to him!!!! You have been abducted by Mr. Mosty!!! Oh dear and are being held captive by your own will, free to go anytime you want but you choose not. No that's not it. Here is the real reason: No that is probably it...Yeah that is it.

UPDATE your flipping awesome Blog CJ or an Asteroid will blow you up! I'm serious because I know about this asteroid the masked ninja man riding the unicorn told me.