Friday, February 25, 2005

Say goodbye to life as we know it

Anglican Church Asks U.S., Canada to Leave
After a nasty theological disagreement, the Anglican church has asked the United States and its northern neighbor to vacate the Atlantic Ocean.

School to drop 'Dummer' from name
The school is named for William Dummer, an acting governor of Massachusetts who donated land to start the school. Over the years, students and alumni have accepted the ribbing about it with varying degrees of annoyance or indifference.

To finally put an end to the teasing and jokes associated with being "Dummer" school, officials have decided to change the school's name. According to one unnamed school board member, the school will be officially changing its name to simply "Dumber Academy."

Krispy Kreme Announces Criminal Probe
I think I'm going to have to side with Krispy Kreme on this one. I mean, can you really trust law enforcement officials in a donut shop?!

New Hollywood Web Suits
Looking for that perfect outfit for the Academy Awards, but running low on cash? Well, one Hollywood business may just have the answer. Now you can attend the Academy's live online broadcast of the awards wearing the best online fashion the net has to offer. Simply create your avatar for the big night and head to any big-name online fashion store and pick up your e-outfit at a fraction of "real-world" prices.

Two McDonald's Franchisees Sued for Harassment
It would appear that the fast food giant just can't win. After being criticized by many as unhealthy and a major contributor to America's obesity problem and facing legal action for being too fattening, customers are now suing the restaurant for being too health-conscious.

McDonald's, attempting to gain a healthier reputation, had instituted a number of new programs to encourage customers to make wiser eating choices. For example, to order a double-quarter-pounder meal, customers were required to fill out a form listing their weight and pant size, which would then be read over the restaurant's intercom.

In some restaurants, patrons purchasing over 800 calories worth of food were requested to wear a "Hi, I'm a McFatty" sticker, while others had employees dressed as the Hamburglar roam the store, stealing items from habitually unhealthy visitors.

Another measure taken by many establishments was to rid the ordering process of the customary "Would you like fries with that?" - instead urging employees to ask, "Are you actually going to eat all that?"

While the new measures had enormous early success in curbing fat consumption at the fast-food chain, a series of lawsuits has at least for now, put a halt to them.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

The McDonald's piece made me laugh out loud - perhaps coming from a McDonald's "can I super-size that?" employee maybe adds to the humor...!!! Wearing a McFatty sticker - I can see it now!

Anonymous said...

So does this make McD's a more pleasant working environment, or just makes it easier to speak your mind to the custormer? ;-)