Friday, February 18, 2005

George W. Bush: Getting down "on" or "with" Syria?

Student tracking program falls apart
I feel obligated to post this development. The company supplying the tracking devices pulled out, apparently due to concerns over damage done to devices by families opposed to the idea (or maybe, they read my blog! Hey! Quit laughing...). This whole story has just gotten incredibly bizarre. I mean, look at this quote, especially the last line:

"I'm disappointed. That's about all I can say at this point," Earnie Graham, the superintendent and principal of Brittan Elementary School in Sutter, said Tuesday night. "I think I let my staff down. Nobody on this campus knows every student."

This guy is absolutely insane. "Nobody knows every student." The only possible interpretation that I could come up with for this seemingly odd comment, is he felt this would make attendance easier for teachers who didn't know all their students. First off, shouldn't it be a goal for a teacher to get to know everyone?! And how can you do that through electronic tracking?This system would do NOTHING to help teachers know anyone, or for that matter, help the students to get to know each other.

You may think this is unreasonable, but based on the information I got from this site, Sutter has a whopping population of 2,885. Yeah. In other words, unless they get a lot of students from neighboring districts, their school is pretty small. And making a rough, stereotypical judgment on the city's economic profile, and the fact that this an Elementary school, I question how much vandalism is actually being done. This is just one whacked-out situation.

And now, let's get to the actually interesting stuff:

Bush: Syria 'out of step'
As ManNMotion remarked, perhaps he was referring to the ol' Texas two-step, because, um, well, correct me if I'm off-base here, but isn't this coming from a pretty old and very white guy? Seriously, I would guess Bush has about as much rhythm as I do. So, come on, umm, home-bro-dawg...?

Iran: 'Swift Reaction' if Nuke Facilities Are Hit
Well, I think this is one thing both the U.S. and Iran can agree upon; there'll be a swift reaction all right. A nuclear one.

Toy-Based Robots Walk More Efficiently -Report
Steven Collins of Cornell, who is now at the University of Michigan, added a tiny bit of motorized propulsion at the robot's ankles. "At each step it pushes off with its back foot," Collins said, "This is similar to how we think people walk."

These scientist types need to get out more. I mean, they're not even sure how people walk?!

Ties vital, Bush to tell Europe
The President's remarks are expected to cover a variety of tie-related subjects, from how to tie a tie to how to avoid choking oneself with a tie. According to Bush advisers, the President is also planning to recite some embarrassing stories of his past experiences in faulty neckware.

Rare Bird Sends Scores to Maryland Farm
Apparently, college is "for the birds" after all. Petey the parakeet, the bird that last week shocked the nation with a reported 34 on the American College Test, has decided to send his scores to the Maryland Agricultural University - a farming college. Making the feat even more remarkable, the talonted Petey has been quoted multiple times as saying he didn't even prepare in advance for the exam, swearing that he simply winged it.

Despite skeptic's initial dismissal of Petey as "just another flighty birdbrain," and less-than-thrilled students at the University calling the whole thing "kinda grouse and remolting," the parakeet has yet to fowl up. A charming young male who says he's into "music and chicks," has, despite his pheasant-like beginnings, now found himself a prince. And he still refuses to crow about it.

Regardless of his humility and charm, advisors at MAU have expressed concern over the bird's upcoming adjustment to college, especially for the bird's parrots. One counselor suggested the two might be feeling the lonely effects of an empty nest. "They may have a hard time giving us the bird," joked another.

Critics can call Petey's college run as nothing more than a swan song, and dismiss this poultry's contributions as paltry, but I for one doubt we'll be saying "Bye-Bye Birdie" for some time to come.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your commentary on the really smart parakeet absolutely soared. I mean, it takes flight and rises above all your other stories that seem more cooped-up. 3:15 in the morning? The early bird really got that worm!

Anonymous said...

Your thoughts regarding this genius
parakeet show how it takes 'one to
know one' bird brain!
Affectionately in the
pecking order,
Yollama