Thursday, December 02, 2004

You know you're a corrupt politician when...

Home invasion survivor played dead
Well that explains a lot. CBS's new reality TV series, "Home Invasion Survivor," criticized by many as being lifeless and boring, revealed today that one of their supposed contestants played the game while actually being legally dead.

In the series, selected homemakers allow their house to be invaded by fat and repulsive self-proclaimed rednecks who give the home their own unique makeover. The investigation was launched when one show participant referred to as "Great Aunt Mildred," had no reaction to the men mounting rifle racks and beer bottle displays in her bedroom in place of her antique dresser and china cabinet. "That's just not natural," said one CBS official.

Texas governor blocks woman's execution
Stepping out on a political limb, much as the Dixie Chicks did in 2003, Toby Keith, in response to this action, was heard by one unnamed fan to have said "Just to let ya'll know, I'm ashamed that the Governor is from Texas."

Ok, he didn't really say that, but...he could have. Maybe.

Anthem to Merge with WellPoint
I know the federal government is strapped for cash...but this?! I have a big problem with the whole thing. I think the actions of Congress are despicable - allowing a the health benefits company to sponsor the national anthem?! That's just plain tasteless. However, thanks to some insider information I was able to get a copy of the newly revised "Star Spangled Banner":

this is an audio post - click to play
Hey you're looking sickly, I think you're not quite right
'Cuz your features have paled, and your health is receding
You take pills from pill jars, to help you doze at night
Was your prescription botched, 'cuz I don't think you're sleeping
For your hollow, blank stare, and your long, rumpled hair
Gives proof to my sight, that you need better care
I say if good treatment is something you crave
Then switch to Wellpoint, to be happy and save

Pitiful. And no, not the singing! Not that it was me or anything. It was this...other guy.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for making my day.
ps. Remind me not to commit any crimes while I'm down in Texas...

Anonymous said...

EXCELLENT singing!! That, coupled with award-winning lyrics, made for an awesome post!!