Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Sick of cold turkey? Try nuking some beef.

Study: Nuclear Medicine Can Trigger Security Alarms
A couple things in this headline really struck me as a little weird. For example, CAN?! For crying out loud, they can detect if you've had Herbal Essence in your luggage in past 20 years, but radiation...MAYBE?!

It all seems pretty stupid to me. Everyone knows that terrorists don't take showers.

Allow me to propose a better headline instead - Nuclear Medicine: What Osama Really Needs.

"Physicians need to make their patients aware of the need to carry proper documentation following a nuclear medicine procedure," said Lionel Zuckier, a doctor and radiology professor at the New Jersey Medical School.

Yup. Another airline hassle. Apparently, the documentation won't be too bad for travelgoers, however. The TSA has comeup with some nice unobtrusive nametags that read: "I am not a bomb," to help transportation officials avoid wasting time.

Bush Defends Iraq Decisions in Canada
"I believe that, as quickly as possible, young cows ought to be allowed to go across our border," Bush said at the news conference.

That's right folks. George W. Bush introduced his new "Greenpasture Cards" today to help poor struggling calves to make it to the great melting (stew)pot of America. In front of a large cheering crowd, Bush steaked a claim for bovine equality in a speech filled with passion and veal...er...zeal. Telling people to put aside their individual beefs, and to not have a cow over petty details, Bush announced his new plans to help young heifers enjoy freedoms rarely seen anywhere else in the world. As one aide so eloquently put it, "Here, cows can make something of themselves." Like a 99 cent double cheeseburger. I for one, believe that such openness behoofs the President. His hunger for righteousness is commendable, so, well done, Mr. President. Well done.

No comments: