Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Phew. I think my mind is going.

Gunmen Attempt to Take Mosul Police Posts, Repelled

As you can see, it was quite a battle with the rebel 'bands'...

U.S. Missile Defense Test Fails
Through an exclusive, anonymous source I was able to view this Classified U.S. Government memo: "Whoops. Our apologies to the residents of what we thought was a deserted isle."

The system is a scaled-down version of a ballistic missile shield first outlined in March 1983 by Reagan and derided by critics as "Star Wars." Pentagon officials had hoped the test would set the stage for any decision by Bush to put the system on alert in coming weeks. Said Michael Wynne, the Pentagon's chief weapons buyer, in reply to a question about switching the system on, "I'm not constrained by timing, exactly."

That's right. Thanks to a brand new time-travel plan outlined by Bush, derided by critics as "Back to the Future," the Pentagon is no longer constrained by the forces of time. And I'm having a hard time believing that's a good thing...

---Finally, today, as a special treat, I'd also like to mention two headlines that I was genuinely confused by. And yes, you can laugh at me if you want to:

1. Wanted: Professional 'wingman' to help break the ice
OK, I seriously thought this was an article about how the hockey players need to have someone step up and break the NHL deadlock. It would appear I was just a *little* off.

2. Gardener Sues 'View' Co-Host Star Jones
I read this and I said to myself, "For crying out loud Jennifer, don't you have enough money already?!" And then I found out her last name is "Garner" anyway. He he. My bad.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Battle with the rebel bands - clever photo opp...but otherwise, you're right: not the best way to spend 4 in the morning, especially during finals week!!