Sunday, September 12, 2004

See B.S.

Amid Skepticism, CBS Sticks to Bush Guard Story
While some republicans continued to question the authenticity of various memos accusing President Bush of shirking his military duties, Dan Rather stood by the original report aired on The Twilight Zone.

"This story is true, the questions we raised about then-Lt. Bush's National Guard service are serious and legitimate questions," said Rather-bothered. Democrats said the ruckus over the documents was simple an attempt to distract the American public from the bigger issue. . .gathering more money for the Kerry campaign.

However, others disagreed. "This is about character, this is about credibility, the character and credibility of the president of the United States of America today," said party Chairman Terry McAuliffe, showcasing his advanced knowledge of compound words and sentences, and pointing out that this issue had absolutely nothing to do with politics.

While dancing around questions as to whether Democrats had handed CBS the documents to smear Bush, McAuliffe mentioned that it might have been White House political advisor Karl Rove. While having no actual evidence, McAuliffe used a powerful chain of deductive logic to support his claim. He argued that by turning against Bush, Rove would be ridding himself of that misery-inducing 6-figure salary and relieving himself of his burdensome political clout, achieving the American dream of unemployement and lower social status.

This Monday, "Texans for Truth," a liberal advocacy group, intends to begin airing a new TV ad. The ad stars a now-retired member of the Alabama Air National Guard who says he never saw Bush show up for training in 1972. Also scheduled to appear on the ad are the other 6 billion people worldwide that never witnessed Bush appear for training.

One memo, from 1973 has Killian writing that he felt pressured to "sugarcoat" a Bush performance review. If true, this would be in blatant violation of National Guard policies which clearly specify that performance reviews are meant to be either "creme-filled or glazed."

Retired Maj. Gen. Hodges, Killian's former supervisor, said, "It's possible we did talk about (Bush's) physical not happening, because we would have to ground him." According to Air National Guard Disciplinary Prodedures, once grounded, Bush would have been "unable to phone call frineds or watch TV for at least one week."

Howard Rile of Long Beach, former president of the American Board of Forensic Document Examiners said the whole thing could reach a quick end "if you get the evidence and examine it; if you get the original." He further pointed out that world conflicts could also be resolved fairly quickly if everyone would just get along and if people would be "nicer."

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