Thursday, September 09, 2004

Fair and balanced reporting: George Bush on John Kerry

Bush Warns of 'Hidden Kerry Tax Plan'
On the campaign trail in Pennsylvania, President Bush today fought back criticisms made by opponent John Kerry. Once again displaying his immaculate command of the English language, Bush made an eloquent case for re-election. Bush took time in his speech to carefully explain the detailed fallacies in Kerry's devious tax plan. "Raising taxes will be bad for our economy," he said.

While Kerry has been able hide his mysterious plan from the mass majority of Americans, thanks to carefully observing his local 5:00 news, Bush was able to discover the true horrors that Kerry has in store for the Americans taxpayers. The President, further investigating the matter, found a sneaky press release published on the well-hidden official John Kerry website (, revealing his opponent's cunning plan.

Kerry has suggested increasing taxes for those in the top 2% while continuing current cuts for middle-class citizens. According to some experts, Kerry's original plan called for taxing the top 5 percent, but Mrs. Kerry (in the top 4%) threatened to take away John's weekly allowance.

"America will reject the hidden Kerry tax plan," said Bush, citing a recent conversation with political expert Miss Cleo. However, unbiased Democrats like Kerry spokesman Phil Singer, have been quick to praise the Senator's creative new plans. According to Singer, the innovative Kerry is planning on "eliminating wasteful government programs and improving government."

Apparently, this radical thinking has convinced some to support Mr. Kerry in November. One Pennsylvanian paper, the Tribune Democrat of Johnstown offered this biting criticism of Bush: "Mr. President, you're the true heir to your father, both in a familial sense and a Big Government Liberal Republican sense."

However, many in the Kerry camp took issue with the editorial. According to one chief Kerry aide, the Democratic candidate is far better suited to court the Liberal Republican faction than Bush could ever be.

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