Saturday, September 25, 2004

Bushy Beards and Cold-blooded Killers

In response to a Kerry comment that the U.S. had spawned terrorism in Iraq, Vice President Dick Cheney said, "America does not create terrorists." Only dumb politicians.

Kerry pollster Mark Mellman said, "There are polls that show us slightly ahead and slightly behind in Florida. The conclusion I draw is that Florida is very close, which should not be a surprise to anyone."

However, the conclusion that many experts drew was that something in those polls was terribly wrong and really weird. To help resolve the complication, residents were reminded to vote for only one candidate at a time.
According to a recent report, many of the Beard Foundation's funds were spent on the development of goatees and mustaches, calling into question the integrity of the prestigious organization. This was considered a major blow to "the nation's utmost authority on full-grown facial hair."

Visit to Washington blunts Kerry tactic
Again stating his unrelenting support for the war in Iraq and standing beside Iraqi Prime Minister Ayad Allawi in support of the current regime, President Bush offered a glowing vision of the future.

"Our military cannot be beat in Iraq," Bush said, "They do have a weapon, though, and that is they're cold-blooded killers." Some English experts suggested that to avoid confusion, perhaps Bush should consider being more careful in his use of pronouns.

Further, Bush pointed out that, "If we stop fighting the terrorists in Iraq, they would be free to plot and plan attacks elsewhere, in America and other free nations." However, by continuing the war, we will be forcing these terrorists to plot and plan attacks elsewhere.

Despite the impressive speech, not all were pleased with the President. Democratic candidate John Kerry criticized Bush for not spending enough time in the Big Apple this week. "The president skedaddled out of New York so quickly he barely had time to talk to any leaders," Kerry said. Some Democrats went a step further in saying that in reality, Bush talked to no leaders, only Koffi Annan.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's time to stop picking on Floridians!
OK, maybe not...

Anonymous said...

Obviously, the "Beard" report was written by someone who could not grow facial hair.....

son cho said...



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